Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #64, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
201 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1201 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar chart compares the number of people working in five different types of work such as sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming -- in Australia between 2001 and 2008. Notably, the number of workers at sales remained the lead throughout the period, whereas farming had the fewest number of workers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the figures for sales, computing, and nursing increased over the period, whereas accounting and farming experienced a decline.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves sentence flow.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFocusing on the increases first, the number of workers in sales stood at around 159,000 in 2001 and then peaked at approximately 161,000 in 2008.
The revision corrects the run-on sentence for better coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs for computing, the number of people working there started at 60,000 in the first year and then increased notably by 20,000 by the last year.
The revision corrects article usage and improves sentence structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn contrast, starting at just under 60,000, the number of workers in nursing increased slightly by 500 by 2008.
The revision uses more precise language to describe the change.
Lexical resource
RevisedConversely, the figures for accounting and farming showed a similar downward trend.
The revision uses varied vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedStarting at around 62,000 in 2001, the number of workers in accounting declined to just under 60,000.
The revision clarifies the subject for better grammatical accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSimilarly, the number of workers in farming started at around 30,000 initially and then decreased to 20,000 by the final year.
The revision removes unnecessary words and improves clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is well-organized with clear comparisons and contrasts. However, there are minor issues with sentence transitions.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure all comparisons are clearly linked to the data.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the figures for sales, computing, and nursing increased over the period, whereas accounting and farming experienced a decline.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves sentence flow.
RevisedFocusing on the increases first, the number of workers in sales stood at around 159,000 in 2001 and then peaked at approximately 161,000 in 2008.
The revision corrects the run-on sentence for better coherence.
RevisedSimilarly, the number of workers in farming started at around 30,000 initially and then decreased to 20,000 by the final year.
The revision removes unnecessary words and improves clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs for computing, the number of people working there started at 60,000 in the first year and then increased notably by 20,000 by the last year.
The revision corrects article usage and improves sentence structure.
RevisedStarting at around 62,000 in 2001, the number of workers in accounting declined to just under 60,000.
The revision clarifies the subject for better grammatical accuracy.
RevisedSimilarly, the number of workers in farming started at around 30,000 initially and then decreased to 20,000 by the final year.
The revision corrects preposition usage and improves clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the task, but there is room for more variety and precision.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment numbers across five sectors: sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming.
The revision uses more precise vocabulary and avoids redundancy.
RevisedIn contrast, starting at just under 60,000, the number of workers in nursing increased slightly by 500 by 2008.
The revision uses more precise language to describe the change.
RevisedConversely, the figures for accounting and farming showed a similar downward trend.
The revision uses varied vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.
RevisedNotably, the number of workers in sales remained the highest throughout the period.
The revision uses more precise language to convey the idea.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively summarizes the main features and makes relevant comparisons, but minor inaccuracies in data interpretation are present.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data is accurately interpreted from the chart.
- Include more precise figures where possible.
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