Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #63, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
213 words. Marked by Axiom on 14 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1213 words
The bar chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart compares employment levels across five types of work in one Australian region in 2001 and 2008.
While there were increases in most sectors, albeit to varying degrees, accounting and farming recorded decreases.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the workforce was dominated by the sales sector, as its employee numbers significantly outpaced those in other fields.
The revision improves the flow by using 'as' to connect the clauses more smoothly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese trends reflect a notable shift in the regional job market’s demands, moving from traditional industries like farming toward technology-driven fields such as computing.
The revision provides a smoother transition by using 'moving from' instead of a colon.
By 2008, this figure had risen to a striking 165,000, continuing to hold the top spot. At the bottom end of the scale was farming, an area of work that attracted the fewest workers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2001, sales dominated the employment landscape, with approximately 150,000 people employed in this sector, a figure that dwarfed all others.
The revision removes the slash for clarity and uses 'approximately' for consistency.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt started at five times lower than sales (30,000) before declining even further in 2008 to a mere 20,000 workers.
The revision corrects the comparative structure for grammatical accuracy.
The remaining three categories stood at relatively similar levels. Nursing followed this trend, albeit less so, rising by approximately 2,000 workers.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe number of workers in computing rose markedly from approximately 60,000 to 80,000 in 2008.
The phrase 'rose markedly' is used to vary the expression and enhance precision.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn contrast, accounting saw a decline: although it initially had a slightly higher figure, well above the 60,000 mark, it decreased by 2008.
The phrase 'saw a decline' is used to avoid repetition and add variety.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Use consistent terminology for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the workforce was dominated by the sales sector, as its employee numbers significantly outpaced those in other fields.
The revision improves the flow by using 'as' to connect the clauses more smoothly.
RevisedThese trends reflect a notable shift in the regional job market’s demands, moving from traditional industries like farming toward technology-driven fields such as computing.
The revision provides a smoother transition by using 'moving from' instead of a colon.
RevisedIn 2001, sales dominated the employment landscape, with approximately 150,000 people employed in this sector, a figure that dwarfed all others.
The revision removes the slash for clarity and uses 'approximately' for consistency.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures with good accuracy. There are minor errors in punctuation and sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe number of workers in computing increased significantly from approximately 60,000 to 80,000 in 2008.
The revision uses 'the number of workers' for grammatical precision.
RevisedIt started at five times lower than sales (30,000) before declining even further in 2008 to a mere 20,000 workers.
The revision corrects the comparative structure for grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise word choices. There is occasional repetition.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedOverall, the workforce was dominated by the sales sector, with its employee numbers far exceeding those in other fields.
The word 'exceeding' is used to avoid repetition and add variety.
RevisedThese trends indicate a significant shift in the regional job market’s demands, from traditional industries like farming toward technology-driven fields such as computing.
The word 'indicate' is used to add variety and precision.
RevisedThe number of workers in computing rose markedly from approximately 60,000 to 80,000 in 2008.
The phrase 'rose markedly' is used to vary the expression and enhance precision.
RevisedIn contrast, accounting saw a decline: although it initially had a slightly higher figure, well above the 60,000 mark, it decreased by 2008.
The phrase 'saw a decline' is used to avoid repetition and add variety.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing and comparing the main features of the chart. Some details could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Include more precise data points for clarity.
- Ensure all relevant features are covered.
- Avoid unnecessary repetition.
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