Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #70, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
174 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 November 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1174 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar graph depicts the employment numbers across five distinct occupational sectors in a specific region from 2001 to 2008.
Used synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, most employment patterns experienced an upward trend, particularly in sales, whereas accounting and farming saw slight declines over the period.
Clarified the sentence structure for better coherence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedRegarding the Sales sector, it was the dominant job type, with around 155,000 employed people in 2001.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis figure increased significantly to just over 160,000 by 2008, maintaining its status as the largest occupational sector.
Replaced 'grew noticeably' with 'increased significantly' for variety.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs for Computing, this sector comprised around 45,000 employees in 2001, expanding considerably to about 63,000 by 2008.
Corrected verb tense and structure for accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn the Nursing sector, the workforce grew slightly from 56,000 in 2001 to nearly 60,000 in 2008.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve lexical variety.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn contrast, Accounting employed 60,000 individuals at the beginning of the period, decreasing to 57,000 by the end.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFinally, Farming, which was the smallest job sector with 22,000 workers, witnessed a slight decline to 19,000 in 2008, remaining the smallest sector.
Improved sentence structure for better coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear overview and detailed paragraphs. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Avoid abrupt shifts between ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, most employment patterns experienced an upward trend, particularly in sales, whereas accounting and farming saw slight declines over the period.
Clarified the sentence structure for better coherence.
RevisedRegarding the Sales sector, it was the dominant job type, with around 155,000 employed people in 2001.
Simplified the sentence for clarity and coherence.
RevisedFinally, Farming, which was the smallest job sector with 22,000 workers, witnessed a slight decline to 19,000 in 2008, remaining the smallest sector.
Improved sentence structure for better coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs for Computing, this sector comprised around 45,000 employees in 2001, expanding considerably to about 63,000 by 2008.
Corrected verb tense and structure for accuracy.
RevisedIn contrast, Accounting employed 60,000 individuals at the beginning of the period, decreasing to 57,000 by the end.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.
RevisedFinally, Farming, which was the smallest job sector with 22,000 workers, saw a slight decline to 19,000 in 2008, remaining the smallest sector.
Improved sentence structure and punctuation for grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, though some repetition is present.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar graph depicts the employment numbers across five distinct occupational sectors in a specific region from 2001 to 2008.
Used synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource.
RevisedThis figure increased significantly to just over 160,000 by 2008, maintaining its status as the largest occupational sector.
Replaced 'grew noticeably' with 'increased significantly' for variety.
RevisedIn the Nursing sector, the workforce grew slightly from 56,000 in 2001 to nearly 60,000 in 2008.
Rephrased to avoid repetition and improve lexical variety.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Include more comparative language to highlight trends.
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