Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #69, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
157 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 August 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1157 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment numbers across five job sectors in a specific region of Australia for the years 2001 and 2008.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe the chart.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, while the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing experienced an upward trend, the opposite was observed in accounting and farming.
Clarified the subject to maintain consistency.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedNotably, the majority of people worked in sales, while farming had the least number of employees.
Revised for clarity and grammatical correctness.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSpecifically, the number of people employed in sales increased from about 152 thousand to over 160 thousand by 2008.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of workers in computing significantly increased from nearly 60 thousand to 80 thousand.
Clarified the subject for better understanding.
Lexical resource
RevisedNursing also began with similar numbers to computing, followed by a slight growth to approximately 62 thousand.
Improved clarity and precision in word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn contrast, both accounting and farming exhibited a downward trend.
Improved sentence structure for grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedThere was a slight decline in accounting, from roughly 65 thousand to just under 60 thousand.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe the change.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe number of employees in farming decreased significantly from 30 thousand to 20 thousand.
Corrected the subject for grammatical accuracy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear overall structure. However, some sentences could be more logically connected to enhance flow.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, while the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing experienced an upward trend, the opposite was observed in accounting and farming.
Clarified the subject to maintain consistency.
RevisedNotably, the majority of people worked in sales, while farming had the least number of employees.
Revised for clarity and grammatical correctness.
RevisedSpecifically, the number of people employed in sales increased from about 152 thousand to over 160 thousand by 2008.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with occasional errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe number of employees in farming decreased significantly from 30 thousand to 20 thousand.
Corrected the subject for grammatical accuracy.
RevisedNotably, the majority of people worked in sales, while farming had the fewest employees.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
RevisedIn contrast, both accounting and farming exhibited a downward trend.
Improved sentence structure for grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though some word choices could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment numbers across five job sectors in a specific region of Australia for the years 2001 and 2008.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe the chart.
RevisedMeanwhile, the number of workers in computing significantly increased from nearly 60 thousand to 80 thousand.
Clarified the subject for better understanding.
RevisedNursing also began with similar numbers to computing, followed by a slight growth to approximately 62 thousand.
Improved clarity and precision in word choice.
RevisedThere was a slight decline in accounting, from roughly 65 thousand to just under 60 thousand.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe the change.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the chart and makes relevant comparisons.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free