Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #79, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
175 words. Marked by Axiom on 25 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1175 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different types of work in a certain region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes it easier to understand.
Overall, there was a significant growth in sales over both 2001 and 2008. By contrast, the number of people employed in farming was the lowest. Meanwhile, the figure for other types of work - accounting, computing and nursing - was approximately similar.
In 2001, the number of employed people in sales reached a peak of around 150, 000. While the figure for accounting stood at over 60,000, , at around 59,000. However, the least popular option for people was farming which showed the lowest figure compared with other types of work, at around 20,000.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe figures for computing and nursing were approximately similar
The revision provides a more accurate and natural way to express the idea.
The number of people in accounting dropped slightly, while computing increased substantiallly. .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn contrast, the year 2008 saw a slight increase in sales, with figures surpassing those of 2001.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes the comparison clearer.
Lexical resource
RevisedNursing saw a moderate increase, reaching over 60,000
The revision is more precise and avoids potential confusion.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, unlike the other sectors, the figure for farming fell.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves the flow of the sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through the text. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different types of work in a certain region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The revision provides a slight variation in phrasing and includes the necessary details for the context.
RevisedIn contrast, the year 2008 saw a slight increase in sales, with figures surpassing those of 2001.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes the comparison clearer.
RevisedFurthermore, unlike the other sectors, the figure for farming fell.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves the flow of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of grammatical structures and there are very few errors. However, there are a few areas where the sentence structure could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different types of work in a certain region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes it easier to understand.
RevisedAccounting had over 60,000 employees, while the numbers for computing and nursing were approximately similar, at around 59,000.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes the comparison clearer.
RevisedSales experienced a slight increase, surpassing the figures from 2001.
The revision improves the sentence structure and makes the comparison clearer.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere was a slight increase in sales
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedThe figures for computing and nursing were approximately similar
The revision provides a more accurate and natural way to express the idea.
RevisedNursing saw a moderate increase, reaching over 60,000
The revision is more precise and avoids potential confusion.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately selected and effectively compares the data.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all data is accurately reported and clearly compared.
- Make sure that all trends or differences are clearly identified and well supported.
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