Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #82, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
169 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1169 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates the number of employees in five different types of work - sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming - in a particular region in Australia from 2001 to 2008.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOverall, the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing increased, while the reverse was true for accounting and farming.
The revision corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence. The use of the comma splice in the original sentence is incorrect. The revised sentence uses the conjunction 'while' to correctly connect the two contrasting ideas.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMoreover, sales consistently recorded the highest figures each year.
The use of the term 'reported' is a bit repetitive considering the previous sentence. Using 'recorded' avoids this repetition and is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 2001, almost 150,000 people were employed in the sales sector compared to just over 20,000 workers in farming, making it the lowest of the five sectors.
The revision adds the definite article 'the' before 'sales sector', which was missing in the original sentence. This minor error does not significantly impact the understanding, but correcting it can improve the accuracy of the sentence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs for accounting, over 60,000 people were employed, closely followed by computing and nursing, which had just under 60,000 and almost 53,000 employees, respectively.
The revision provides a clearer comparison and improves the flow of the sentence.
The number of people working in computing and nursing grew, with respective numbers of nearly 75,000 and just above 60,000. A slight decrease was recorded in the number of employees in accounting and farming, to 60,000 and just under 20,000, respectively.
Lexical resource
RevisedBy 2008, the number of individuals employed in sales experienced a noticeable increase to just above 160,000, continuing to lead.
The revision corrects the awkward and incorrect use of 'figure' and 'continued to lead' in the original sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively, and there is a clear progression of ideas.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to avoid repetition and to further improve the flow of your writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedMoreover, sales consistently recorded the highest figures each year.
The use of the term 'reported' is a bit repetitive considering the previous sentence. Using 'recorded' avoids this repetition and is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedAs for accounting, over 60,000 people were employed, closely followed by computing and nursing, which had just under 60,000 and almost 53,000 employees, respectively.
The revision provides a clearer comparison and improves the flow of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOverall, the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing increased, while the reverse was true for accounting and farming.
The revision corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence. The use of the comma splice in the original sentence is incorrect. The revised sentence uses the conjunction 'while' to correctly connect the two contrasting ideas.
RevisedA slight decrease was recorded in the number of employees in accounting and farming, falling to 60,000 and just under 20,000, respectively.
The revision corrects the awkward phrasing of the original sentence. The use of 'to' after 'employees in accounting and farming' is incorrect. The revised sentence uses 'falling to', which is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately, with only minor errors.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn 2001, almost 150,000 people were employed in the sales sector compared to just over 20,000 workers in farming, making it the lowest of the five sectors.
The revision adds the definite article 'the' before 'sales sector', which was missing in the original sentence. This minor error does not significantly impact the understanding, but correcting it can improve the accuracy of the sentence.
RevisedBy 2008, the number of individuals employed in sales experienced a noticeable increase to just above 160,000, continuing to lead.
The revision corrects the awkward and incorrect use of 'figure' and 'continued to lead' in the original sentence.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The information is accurately selected and effectively compares the data.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you accurately interpret the data and make sure your comparisons are clear and relevant.
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