Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #77, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
202 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 July 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1202 words
The chart belowe shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors—sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming—in one region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
This revision corrects the use of 'employment rates' and matches the task description.
Overall, apart from accounting and farming, the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing grew, albeit to varying degrees.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMore specifically, while the computing sector experienced significant growth, the sales sector consistently had the highest employment figures in both years.
This revision clarifies the comparison and improves cohesion.
In the following years, the number grew for the former, while the opposite was true for the latter.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2001, Sales and Accounting had the highest employment figures, with approximately 160,000 and 60,000 employees, respectively.
This revision removes unnecessary phrasing and improves flow.
Lexical resource
RevisedBoth the Computing and Nursing sectors started with about 60,000 employees, but while Computing saw a significant increase, growth in Nursing was more modest.
This revision improves clarity and lexical accuracy.
The drop was more pronounced for the latter, which lost roughly half of its workers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBy 2008, employment in Sales increased slightly to around 165,000, maintaining its leading position.
This revision corrects the numerical detail and provides a clearer transition.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSimilarly, employment in Computing rose from 60,000 to 80,000.
This revision clarifies the subject and improves grammatical accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBy 2008, Accounting and Farming had the lowest employment figures, both having declined compared to 2001.
This revision improves clarity and grammatical structure.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs and an overall structure that follows the requirements of IELTS Task 1. The introduction, overview, and body paragraphs are present. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there is minor repetition.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Avoid repeating similar phrases (e.g., 'the number grew for the former, while the opposite was true for the latter').
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMore specifically, while the computing sector experienced significant growth, the sales sector consistently had the highest employment figures in both years.
This revision clarifies the comparison and improves cohesion.
RevisedIn 2001, Sales and Accounting had the highest employment figures, with approximately 160,000 and 60,000 employees, respectively.
This revision removes unnecessary phrasing and improves flow.
RevisedBy 2008, employment in Sales increased slightly to around 165,000, maintaining its leading position.
This revision corrects the numerical detail and provides a clearer transition.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with generally accurate use. There are minor errors and awkward constructions, but these do not impede understanding.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors—sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming—in one region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
This revision corrects the use of 'employment rates' and matches the task description.
RevisedSimilarly, employment in Computing rose from 60,000 to 80,000.
This revision clarifies the subject and improves grammatical accuracy.
RevisedBy 2008, Accounting and Farming had the lowest employment figures, both having declined compared to 2001.
This revision improves clarity and grammatical structure.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, with some use of less common terms (e.g., 'pronounced', 'moderate'). However, there are occasional inaccuracies and some awkward phrasing.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe number of employees in Sales increased slightly, reaching approximately 165,000.
'Surged' is too strong for a small increase; 'peaking' is not accurate here.
RevisedBoth the Computing and Nursing sectors started with about 60,000 employees, but while Computing saw a significant increase, growth in Nursing was more modest.
This revision improves clarity and lexical accuracy.
RevisedThe decline was more significant in Farming, where employment halved over the period.
This revision uses more precise vocabulary and avoids repetition.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview and covers the main trends and comparisons required by the task. However, there are some inaccuracies in figures (e.g., the increase in Sales is understated), and the description of changes could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Double-check figures and ensure accuracy when describing changes.
- Provide more precise comparisons between sectors.
- Include all relevant data from the chart, such as the actual figures for each year.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free