Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #76, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
199 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 July 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1199 words
The chart belowe shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors—sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming—in a region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Corrects article usage, spelling, and improves sentence structure.
Overall, apart from accounting and farming, the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing grew, albeit to varying degrees.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMore specifically, the growth was more pronounced in the computing sector, although the sales department maintained the highest figures throughout the period.
Clarifies the sentence structure and improves cohesion.
In the following years, the numbers grew for the former, while opposite was true for the latter.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTo begin with, the Sales and Accounting sectors had the highest employment in 2001, with approximately 160,000 and 60,000 employees, respectively.
Improves sentence flow and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBoth the Computing and Nursing sectors employed roughly the same number of workers—around 60,000—and both experienced growth, although the increase was more moderate for Nursing.
Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Similarly, Computing climbed from 60.000 to 80.000. The drop was more pronounced for letter, which lost roughly half of its workers.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBy 2008, the number of employees in Sales increased slightly, reaching about 165,000.
Corrects the numerical increase and improves grammatical accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBy 2008, Accounting and Farming had the lowest numbers of employees, with both sectors experiencing a decline compared to 2001.
Clarifies the comparison and improves coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents information in a clear sequence. There is an overview and body paragraphs that detail the changes in employment. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, and there are occasional issues with referencing and linking phrases.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and logical flow.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between sectors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMore specifically, the growth was more pronounced in the computing sector, although the sales department maintained the highest figures throughout the period.
Clarifies the sentence structure and improves cohesion.
RevisedTo begin with, the Sales and Accounting sectors had the highest employment in 2001, with approximately 160,000 and 60,000 employees, respectively.
Improves sentence flow and clarity.
RevisedBy 2008, Accounting and Farming had the lowest numbers of employees, with both sectors experiencing a decline compared to 2001.
Clarifies the comparison and improves coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors, especially with articles, prepositions, and plural forms.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors—sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming—in a region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Corrects article usage, spelling, and improves sentence structure.
RevisedBoth the Computing and Nursing sectors employed roughly the same number of workers—around 60,000—and both experienced growth, although the increase was more moderate for Nursing.
Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.
RevisedBy 2008, the number of employees in Sales increased slightly, reaching about 165,000.
Corrects the numerical increase and improves grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some attempts at variety. However, there are several word choice errors and awkward phrases that reduce clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisednumber of people employed in five different sectors
'Employment rate' is inaccurate; the chart shows absolute numbers, not rates.
Revisedthe growth was more pronounced in the computing sector
Removes unnecessary words and clarifies meaning.
Revisedthe drop was more pronounced for farming, which lost roughly half of its workforce.
Corrects word choice and clarifies the subject.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides an overview and covers the main features of the chart, including key trends and comparisons. However, some data is inaccurately reported (e.g., the increase in sales is understated), and there are occasional omissions or vague references.
Suggestions
- Double-check numerical data for accuracy.
- Be specific when describing changes and avoid vague language.
- Ensure all five sectors are clearly mentioned and compared.
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