Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #61, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

209 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Values in people. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (people)
	2001	2008
Sales	155,000	165,000
Accounting	66,000	58,000
Computing	59,000	79,000
Nursing	56,000	60,000
Farming	29,000	19,000

Academic Task 1209 words

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the number of people who employed in five types of work on one region of Australia between 2001 and 2008. Overall, while all given categories figures experienced an increase, albeit to varying extents, Accounting and Farming were the exception which their shares saw a decrease throughout the timespan. Notably, in every given years, the huge number of people were worked in Sales.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOverall, while most categories experienced an increase, Accounting and Farming saw a decrease over the period.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.

Focusing on the upwar trends, approximately 60.000 individuals worked in Computing in 2001 and then, this figure witnessed a moderate increase, with accounting for 78.000 in 2008. It is closely followed by Nursing, which its employment rate was almost 60.000 initially. But by 2008, this share had increased slightly to 61.000. The employment rate in Sales was an outlined, huge number of people worked there and it also witnessed a constant increase, went up from staggering 158.000 in 2001 to an all-time high 161.000 in 2008.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedNursing closely followed, with an employment rate of nearly 60,000 initially.
Corrected awkward phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe employment rate in Sales was significant, increasing from 158,000 in 2001 to 161,000 in 2008.
Clarified and streamlined the sentence.

In contrast, Accounting and Farming had an opposite trajectory.

The former's employment rate was 63.000 in 2001 and this figure experienced a decrease, for reaching to 58.000 in 2008. Similar to this decline, Farming hold the smallest share of employment rate, it was 28.000 in 2001, but then, this figure experienced a decline, at 19.000 in 2008.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedSimilarly, Farming held the smallest share of employment, decreasing from 28,000 in 2001 to 19,000 in 2008.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linking words and cohesive devices.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to connect ideas.
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Improve the flow between sentences.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, while most categories experienced an increase, Accounting and Farming saw a decrease over the period.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedFocusing on the upward trends, approximately 60,000 individuals worked in Computing in 2001, increasing to 78,000 in 2008.
Removed unnecessary words and improved sentence flow.
RevisedThe employment rate in Sales was significant, increasing from 158,000 in 2001 to 161,000 in 2008.
Clarified and streamlined the sentence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, most categories experienced an increase, except for Accounting and Farming, which saw a decrease over the period.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.
RevisedFocusing on the upward trends, approximately 60,000 individuals worked in Computing in 2001, increasing to 78,000 in 2008.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
RevisedSimilarly, Farming held the smallest share of employment, decreasing from 28,000 in 2001 to 19,000 in 2008.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or incorrect.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, while most categories saw an increase, Accounting and Farming experienced a decrease over the period.
Improved word choice for clarity and precision.
RevisedNursing closely followed, with an employment rate of nearly 60,000 initially.
Corrected awkward phrasing.
RevisedSales had a significant employment rate, increasing from 158,000 in 2001 to 161,000 in 2008.
Improved vocabulary for better clarity.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and includes relevant data, but lacks some detail and clarity.

Suggestions

Include more specific data points for clarity.
Ensure all trends are clearly explained.

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