Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #80, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
171 words. Marked by Axiom on 25 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1171 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors in a specific region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, which is more appropriate for an IELTS essay.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, there was a significant growth in the sales sector in both 2001 and 2008.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate preposition for growth.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBy contrast, the number of people employed in the farming sector was the lowest.
The revised sentence provides more context and makes the statement more clear and coherent.
Lexical resource
RevisedMeanwhile, the figures for accounting, computing, and nursing were approximately similar.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate structure for comparing multiple items.
While the figure for accounting stood at over 60,000, computing and nursing indicated approximately similar figure, at almost 59,000.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2001, the sales sector saw a dramatic increase, with almost 150,000 people employed.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the appropriate tense and preposition.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, farming was the least popular option, showing the lowest figure compared with other types of work, at over 20,000.
The revised sentence corrects the word order and provides a more accurate collocation.
The number of people in accounting dropped slightly, while computing increased substantiallly.In turn, nursing rose moderately and reached the number over 60,000. Furthermore, the figure for farming fell instead of increase.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn contrast, in 2008, the sales sector experienced a slight increase and reached a higher figure than in 2001.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate preposition for comparing two time periods.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, there was a significant growth in the sales sector in both 2001 and 2008.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate preposition for growth.
RevisedBy contrast, the number of people employed in the farming sector was the lowest.
The revised sentence provides more context and makes the statement more clear and coherent.
RevisedIn 2001, the sales sector saw a dramatic increase, with almost 150,000 people employed.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the appropriate tense and preposition.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and word forms.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors in a specific region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling of 'illustrates' and 'sectors'.
RevisedIn 2001, the number of people employed in the sales sector reached a dramatic high, at almost 150,000.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form to match the subject and provides a more accurate collocation.
RevisedHowever, farming was the least popular option, showing the lowest figure compared with other types of work, at over 20,000.
The revised sentence corrects the word order and provides a more accurate collocation.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe provided chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different sectors in a specific region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, which is more appropriate for an IELTS essay.
RevisedMeanwhile, the figures for accounting, computing, and nursing were approximately similar.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate structure for comparing multiple items.
RevisedIn contrast, in 2008, the sales sector experienced a slight increase and reached a higher figure than in 2001.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the appropriate preposition for comparing two time periods.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and make more comparisons to fully address the task.
- Consider using a wider range of structures to discuss the data in more detail.
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