Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #81, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
170 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1170 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008
The bar chart illustrates the number of employees in five different types of work - sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming - in a particular region in Australia from 2001 to 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, there was an increase in the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing, while a decrease was seen in accounting and farming.
The revision clarifies the contrast between the increasing and decreasing trends.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMoreover, sales consistently reported the highest figures each year.
The revision provides a more formal and varied language use.
compared to just above 20,000 workers in farming, making it the lowest figure among others. , followed closely by computing and nursing, just under 60,000 and almost 53,000, respectively.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 2001, nearly 150,000 people were employed in the sales sector...
The revision provides a more formal and specific phrase.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn the field of accounting, there were over 60,000 people employed...
The revision provides a more formal and specific phrase.
experienced a noticeable increase to just above 160,000, making it the highest figure. The number of people worked in computing and nursing grew, with respective numbers of nearly 75,000 and just above 60,000. in accounting and farming, to 60,000 and just under 20,000, respectively.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBy 2008, there was a noticeable increase in the number of individuals employed in sales.
The revision provides a more descriptive and engaging introduction to the 2008 data.
Lexical resource
RevisedA slight decrease was observed in the number of employees...
The revision provides a more formal and academic structure.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively, and there is a clear progression throughout the essay.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMoreover, sales consistently reported the highest figures each year.
The revision provides a more formal and varied language use.
RevisedBy 2008, there was a noticeable increase in the number of individuals employed in sales.
The revision provides a more descriptive and engaging introduction to the 2008 data.
RevisedOverall, there was an increase in the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing, while a decrease was seen in accounting and farming.
The revision clarifies the contrast between the increasing and decreasing trends.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOverall, the number of people employed in sales, computing, and nursing increased...
The sentence is already correct, the conjunction is appropriately used.
RevisedA slight decrease was witnessed in the number of employees...
The sentence is already correct, the passive voice is appropriately used.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately, with some good collocations.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2001, nearly 150,000 people were employed in the sales sector...
The revision provides a more formal and specific phrase.
RevisedIn the field of accounting, there were over 60,000 people employed...
The revision provides a more formal and specific phrase.
RevisedA slight decrease was observed in the number of employees...
The revision provides a more formal and academic structure.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and presents key features and trends. The writer makes appropriate comparisons and provides relevant details.
Suggestions
- The essay is well-written and meets the task requirements. Continue to practice writing similar essays to maintain and improve your skills.
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