Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #83, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
162 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1162 words
The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates the number of people employed in five different types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the amount of people who worked in sales was the highest, while those who worked in farming recorded the lowest figure in both years.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, the figures for accounting were nearly the same in 2001 and 2008.
The subject is plural (figures) so the verb should be 'were' not 'was'.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe trends in employment showed an increase for Sales, Computing, and Nursing between 2001 and 2008.
This revision provides a more concise and direct way to introduce the topic of rising trends.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe figure for Sales moderately increased from about 155000 to around 165000, followed by Computing which increased from roughly 52000 to approximately 61000, while Nursing remained at the bottom with a marginal increase from about 46000 to 59500 between 2001 and 2008.
This revision provides a more natural and clear sentence structure, making it easier to understand the trends.
The number of people employed in Accounting and Forming dropped from 60000 to 59900 and from around 20100 to about 19900 respectively between 2001 and 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, Accounting and Farming saw a slight decrease during the same period.
The word 'Conversely' provides a clearer contrast to the previous information and 'slight decrease' is a more accurate description of the change.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through the report. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using more varied linking words to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all information in the paragraph is relevant to that topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe trends in employment showed an increase for Sales, Computing, and Nursing between 2001 and 2008.
This revision provides a more concise and direct way to introduce the topic of rising trends.
RevisedConversely, Accounting and Farming saw a slight decrease during the same period.
The word 'Conversely' provides a clearer contrast to the previous information and 'slight decrease' is a more accurate description of the change.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAdditionally, the figures for accounting were nearly the same in 2001 and 2008.
The subject is plural (figures) so the verb should be 'were' not 'was'.
RevisedThe figure for Sales moderately increased from about 155000 to around 165000, followed by Computing which increased from roughly 52000 to approximately 61000, while Nursing remained at the bottom with a marginal increase from about 46000 to 59500 between 2001 and 2008.
This revision provides a more natural and clear sentence structure, making it easier to understand the trends.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe number of employed individuals in Accounting and Farming decreased slightly, with figures dropping from 60000 to 59900 and from approximately 20100 to about 19900 respectively between 2001 and 2008.
This revision provides a more precise and natural way to express the change in employment figures.
RevisedMeanwhile, there was a slight decrease in the number of employed individuals in Accounting and Farming over the same period.
This revision provides a more accurate and natural way to express the change in employment figures.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and presents key trends and comparisons. The writer makes specific reference to the data and provides relevant support for their observations. However, the writer could improve by providing more detailed analysis and by avoiding any personal opinion or speculation.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, where appropriate.
- Avoid any personal opinion or speculation and focus on the information presented in the chart.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free