Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #71, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
192 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 December 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1192 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart gives information about that the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, it is clear that sales had the highest percentage of employed people compared to other types of work in the given period of time in one region of Australia.
The sentence structure can be improved for better clarity and coherence. 'Had the highest percentage' is more clear than 'had a highest'. Also, 'compared to' is more appropriate than 'than' in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn contrast, farming had the smallest figure among all types of work.
The phrase 'had a smallest one' is incorrect. It can be simplified to 'had the smallest figure' for better clarity.
In 2001, neary 160,000 people employed in sales, significantly outnumbering the other realms listed in the chart. While the figures for accounting, computing, and nursing each stood at around 60,000, the agricultural sector recorded the smallest workforce, with approximately 30,000 workers.
By 2008, employment in sales had increased slightly to just over 160,000, still leading as the most populous workforce.
Lexical resource
RevisedAlthough the trends in computing and nursing followed similar patterns to sales, there was a considerable upward trend in computing, with numbers growing to just under 80,000, while the nursing sector saw a moderate rise to 60,000.
The sentence can be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Also, 'followed the similar patterns as sales' can be simplified to 'followed similar patterns to sales'.
Lexical resource
RevisedConversely, there were declines in the accounting and farming workforces, with accounting falling slightly to just below 60,000 and farming just under 20,000.
The sentence can be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Also, 'the former' and 'the latter' are a bit confusing in this context, so it's better to use the actual terms 'accounting' and 'farming'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart presents information about the number of people employed in five different types of work in one region of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008.
The use of 'that' after 'information' is incorrect. Also, the word 'different' can be added for more clarity.
RevisedOverall, it is clear that sales had the highest percentage of employed people compared to other types of work in the given period of time in one region of Australia.
The sentence structure can be improved for better clarity and coherence. 'Had the highest percentage' is more clear than 'had a highest'. Also, 'compared to' is more appropriate than 'than' in this context.
RevisedIn contrast, farming had the smallest figure among all types of work.
The phrase 'had a smallest one' is incorrect. It can be simplified to 'had the smallest figure' for better clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some error-free sentences. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart gives information about the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The phrase 'about that the number' is grammatically incorrect. It should be 'about the number'.
RevisedOverall, it is clear that the percentage of people employed in sales was highest than other types of work in one region of Australia in the given period of time.
The phrase 'had a highest then other types of work' is grammatically incorrect. It should be 'was highest than other types of work'.
RevisedIn contrast, farming had the smallest figure among all types of work.
The phrase 'had a smallest one from all types of works' is grammatically incorrect. It should be 'had the smallest figure among all types of work'.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, it is clear that the number of people employed in sales was highest among other types of work in one region of Australia in the given period of time.
The use of 'had a highest then' is incorrect. It should be 'was highest among' to convey the intended meaning.
RevisedAlthough the trends in computing and nursing followed similar patterns to sales, there was a considerable upward trend in computing, with numbers growing to just under 80,000, while the nursing sector saw a moderate rise to 60,000.
The sentence can be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Also, 'followed the similar patterns as sales' can be simplified to 'followed similar patterns to sales'.
RevisedConversely, there were declines in the accounting and farming workforces, with accounting falling slightly to just below 60,000 and farming just under 20,000.
The sentence can be rephrased for better clarity and conciseness. Also, 'the former' and 'the latter' are a bit confusing in this context, so it's better to use the actual terms 'accounting' and 'farming'.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the chart to support your main points.
- Consider using a wider range of structures to compare and contrast the data.
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