Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #75, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
240 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 March 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1240 words
The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall, working in sales remained by far the most prevalent in both years, despite a significant rise in computing. The number of people employed in accounting saw no changes at all, while employees in nursing showed an increasing trend. It was farming that remained the least popular job among all, with a slight decrease in 2008.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe bar chart compares the number of people employed in five different occupations in a specific region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Improves grammatical accuracy and specificity.
In 2001, Sales was the most common occupation among employees in a certain region of Australia, with approximately 155,000 working. Meanwhile, computing was not as popular as accounting in the first year, with about 45,000 working there. However, in the following period, it had an increase of roughly 17,000 workers,
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis figure then rose significantly to around 165,000 in 2008, indicating the continued popularity of sales.
Improves sentence structure and clarity.
Lexical resource
Revisedindicating the most significant increase among all the job categories.
Uses more precise vocabulary.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSimilarly, the number of employees in nursing was nearly 45,000, similar to accounting, and this figure grew to almost 60,000 in 2008, making nursing as common as accounting by that year.
Clarifies the comparison and corrects the confusing figure.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWith regard to accounting, the number of employees remained stable at around 60,000, with only a minor decrease of about 100-200 workers.
Improves clarity and conciseness.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFarming remained the least preferred occupation, with numbers dropping slightly from around 21,000 in 2001 to 19,000 in 2008.
Corrects the year and improves clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, there are some inconsistencies and unclear references, particularly in the description of nursing and accounting trends. Some sentences are repetitive, and transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Clarify the comparison between nursing and accounting.
- Avoid repetition and improve transitions between paragraphs.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSimilarly, the number of employees in nursing was nearly 45,000, similar to accounting, and this figure grew to almost 60,000 in 2008, making nursing as common as accounting by that year.
Clarifies the comparison and corrects the confusing figure.
RevisedWith regard to accounting, the number of employees remained stable at around 60,000, with only a minor decrease of about 100-200 workers.
Improves clarity and conciseness.
RevisedFarming remained the least preferred occupation, with numbers dropping slightly from around 21,000 in 2001 to 19,000 in 2008.
Corrects the year and improves clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors, awkward constructions, and issues with subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart compares the number of people employed in five different occupations in a specific region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Improves grammatical accuracy and specificity.
RevisedThis figure then rose significantly to around 165,000 in 2008, indicating the continued popularity of sales.
Improves sentence structure and clarity.
RevisedFarming remained the least preferred occupation, with the number of employees dropping slightly from around 21,000 in 2001 to 19,000 in 2008.
Corrects the year and improves grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases (e.g., 'almost 6,000' for nursing, which should be 'almost 60,000'). Some word choices could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedits figure also grew sharply to almost 60,000, making it as common as accounting by 2008.
Corrects the numerical error and clarifies the time reference.
Revisedhighlighting that sales remained the most popular occupation.
Improves word choice and avoids repetition.
Revisedindicating the most significant increase among all the job categories.
Uses more precise vocabulary.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the main trends and comparisons, but there are some factual inaccuracies (e.g., nursing numbers), and some details are either unclear or incorrect. The overview is present, but the data description could be more precise and accurate.
Suggestions
- Double-check all figures and ensure accuracy when describing data.
- Clarify comparisons between job categories.
- Provide more precise and accurate data descriptions.
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