Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #60, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
197 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1197 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The column chart compares the number of employees working in five different employment sectors in a certain region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, employment in sales, computing, and nursing increased between 2001 and 2008, whereas accounting and farming experienced a decline.
The revision provides a smoother transition by using 'Overall' to introduce the general trend.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedNotably, sales significantly outstripped other sectors in workforce size, while farming employed the fewest people.
The revision uses 'Notably' to enhance the transition and clarity.
Computing followed with a rise from 60,000 in 2001 to 80,000 in 2008, the most noticeable change on the chart.
Lexical resource
RevisedSpecifically, sales were the largest employment sector, employing nearly 160,000 people in 2001.
The word 'employing' is more precise than 'hiring' in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedAfter seven years, this number increased markedly to approximately 165,000, the highest figure on the chart.
Spelling out 'seven' is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
Lexical resource
RevisedSubsequently, the number of nurses was just under 60,000 in 2001, increasing slightly to about 62,000 by 2008.
Using 'Subsequently' and 'slightly' adds variety and precision.
In 2001, nearly 70,000 people worked in accounting, but this figure then dropped to 60,000 in 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, accounting and farming saw a decrease in their workforce over the period.
The use of 'Conversely' provides a clearer contrast.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFinally, there was a significant decline of almost 10,000 in the number of people employed in farming, decreasing to just 20,000 in 2008.
Using 'Finally' and 'decreasing' improves grammatical accuracy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is well-organized with clear progression and logical structure. The comparisons and contrasts are effectively highlighted.
Suggestions
- Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, employment in sales, computing, and nursing increased between 2001 and 2008, whereas accounting and farming experienced a decline.
The revision provides a smoother transition by using 'Overall' to introduce the general trend.
RevisedNotably, sales significantly outstripped other sectors in workforce size, while farming employed the fewest people.
The revision uses 'Notably' to enhance the transition and clarity.
RevisedConversely, accounting and farming saw a decrease in their workforce over the period.
The use of 'Conversely' provides a clearer contrast.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn detail, sales were by far the largest employment sector, employing nearly 160,000 people in 2001.
The word 'employing' is more grammatically appropriate than 'hiring' in this context.
RevisedFinally, there was a significant decline of almost 10,000 in the number of people employed in farming, decreasing to just 20,000 in 2008.
Using 'Finally' and 'decreasing' improves grammatical accuracy.
RevisedNext, the figure for nursing was just under 60,000 in 2001, rising slightly to approximately 62,000 by 2008.
The use of 'was' instead of 'stood' is more grammatically precise.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary accurately and effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSpecifically, sales were the largest employment sector, employing nearly 160,000 people in 2001.
The word 'employing' is more precise than 'hiring' in this context.
RevisedAfter seven years, this number increased markedly to approximately 165,000, the highest figure on the chart.
Spelling out 'seven' is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
RevisedSubsequently, the number of nurses was just under 60,000 in 2001, increasing slightly to about 62,000 by 2008.
Using 'Subsequently' and 'slightly' adds variety and precision.
Task achievement
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing and comparing the main features accurately.
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