Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #73, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
161 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 December 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1161 words
The chart below show the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia from 2001 to 2008
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment figures for five job categories in Australia from 2001 to 2008.
Uses more precise vocabulary to describe the chart.
Overall, it is evident that sales were the most common in both years, compared to other types of work, while farming was the least preferred job over the given period.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, while sales, computing, and nursing experienced upward trends, accounting and farming saw declines.
This revision provides a smoother transition between contrasting ideas.
In 2001, sales were the most prevalent, with just under 160000 participants, followed by accounting, which was the second most common at 62000. Computing and nursing were equally standing at 59000, while farming was the least popular at 30000.
Accounting and farming decreased slightly to 60000 and 20000, respectively.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBy 2008, the employment pattern had shifted significantly.
Clarifies what 'pattern' refers to, enhancing coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSales were the most popular, with just over 160,000 participants.
Corrects the numerical format for consistency.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe number of people employed in computing rose slightly to 80,000 in 2008.
Clarifies the subject and maintains consistency in numerical format.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedNursing saw a slight increase to 60,000 participants in 2008.
Uses a more active structure and corrects the numerical format.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Avoid abrupt shifts between ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFurthermore, while sales, computing, and nursing experienced upward trends, accounting and farming saw declines.
This revision provides a smoother transition between contrasting ideas.
RevisedBy 2008, the employment pattern had shifted significantly.
Clarifies what 'pattern' refers to, enhancing coherence.
RevisedThe number of people employed in computing rose slightly to 80,000 in 2008.
Clarifies the subject and maintains consistency in numerical format.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSales were the most popular, with just over 160,000 participants.
Corrects the numerical format for consistency.
RevisedComputing and nursing both stood at 59,000.
Simplifies the structure and corrects the numerical format.
RevisedNursing saw a slight increase to 60,000 participants in 2008.
Uses a more active structure and corrects the numerical format.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though some expressions could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment figures for five job categories in Australia from 2001 to 2008.
Uses more precise vocabulary to describe the chart.
RevisedSales had the highest employment, with just under 160,000 individuals.
Uses more specific terms to describe employment.
RevisedThe employment distribution had altered noticeably.
Clarifies what 'pattern' refers to, enhancing precision.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task, providing an overview and detailed comparisons.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data is accurately represented.
- Include more specific data points for clarity.
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