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Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #68, band 7.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

238 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart)2001, 2008 for Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming, in people. Values are approximate, read from the original chart.050,000100,000150,000200,000SalesAccountingComputingNursingFarming
Values in people. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.
Show the data
Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (people)
20012008
Sales155,000165,000
Accounting66,00058,000
Computing59,00079,000
Nursing56,00060,000
Farming29,00019,000

Academic Task 1238 words

The chart below shows the number of people who are employed in five types of work on oner region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the number of people from one region of Australia, who chose to work in five kinds of employment in 2001 and 2008.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, Sales, Computing, and Nursing saw an increase in employment, whereas Accounting and Farming experienced a decline over the seven-year period.

    Simplified sentence structure for better flow.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedNotably, Sales had the highest number of workers, while Farming had the lowest.

    Removed unnecessary words for clarity.

In 2001, the number of people, who worked in Sales was approximately 150,000 workers, being the highest indicator among the five categories.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThis number increased by almost 15,000 employees by 2008, maintaining the largest workforce.

    Replaced 'keeping' with 'maintaining' for grammatical accuracy.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedSimilarly, Computing employed 60,000 people in 2001, but this figure rose to 80,000 by 2008.

    Replaced 'shot up' with 'rose' for a more formal tone.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedLikewise, Nursing employed just under 60,000 individuals in 2001, rising to over 60,000 by 2008.

    Corrected sentence structure for clarity.

A similar pattern can be observed in the number of workers for Farming, whose number declined to a little less than 20,000 by 2008, demonstrating the lowest number among the other four categories.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedConversely, Accounting and Farming started at 65,000 and 30,000 respectively in 2001.

    Used 'Conversely' to improve cohesion.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedHowever, although Accounting held the second highest position, it decreased to slightly below 60,000 employees by 2008.

    Simplified sentence structure for better readability.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is generally well-organized with clear progression of ideas. However, there are some areas where cohesion could be improved.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to connect ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Avoid repetition of similar phrases.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, Sales, Computing, and Nursing saw an increase in employment, whereas Accounting and Farming experienced a decline over the seven-year period.

    Simplified sentence structure for better flow.

  • RevisedNotably, Sales had the highest number of workers, while Farming had the lowest.

    Removed unnecessary words for clarity.

  • RevisedConversely, Accounting and Farming started at 65,000 and 30,000 respectively in 2001.

    Used 'Conversely' to improve cohesion.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThis number increased by almost 15,000 employees by 2008, maintaining the largest workforce.

    Replaced 'keeping' with 'maintaining' for grammatical accuracy.

  • RevisedLikewise, Nursing employed just under 60,000 individuals in 2001, rising to over 60,000 by 2008.

    Corrected sentence structure for clarity.

  • RevisedHowever, although Accounting held the second highest position, it decreased to slightly below 60,000 employees by 2008.

    Simplified sentence structure for better readability.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The lexical resource is adequate with a range of vocabulary used appropriately. However, there is some repetition and room for more variety.

Sentence revisions 4

  • RevisedSimilarly, Computing employed 60,000 people in 2001, but this figure rose to 80,000 by 2008.

    Replaced 'shot up' with 'rose' for a more formal tone.

  • RevisedA similar pattern is observed in Farming, where the workforce decreased to just under 20,000 by 2008.

    Used 'workforce' for variety and clarity.

  • RevisedConversely, Accounting and Farming began with 65,000 and 30,000 workers respectively in 2001.

    Used 'began with' for variety.

  • RevisedNursing employed just under 60,000 individuals in 2001, rising to over 60,000 by 2008.

    Simplified and varied vocabulary.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons.

Suggestions

  • Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
  • Include more specific data comparisons.

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