Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #78, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
203 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 July 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1203 words
The chart below gives the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008
The bar chart compares the number of people in five employment sectors – sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming – in Australia in 2001 and 2008. Overall, employment increased in most sectors between 2001 and 2008, although accounting and farming experienced decreases. In addition, sales employed by far the largest number of people during the period, while farming remained the smallest employment sector in both years.
Lexical resource
RevisedComputing experienced the most significant growth over the period.
This revision uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2001, sales employed over 160,000 people, while accounting had about 60,000 employees.
This revision improves clarity and sentence flow.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBoth computing and nursing employed 50,000 people, whereas farming was the smallest sector with around 20,000 employees in 2001.
This revision corrects awkward phrasing and provides a smoother transition.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe number of people employed in sales increased slightly to 170,000 in 2008.
This revision corrects the figure based on the chart and uses more accurate language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedEmployment in accounting declined slightly from 60,000 to just under 60,000 in 2008.
This revision clarifies the sentence structure and corrects the awkward phrasing.
Lexical resource
RevisedThere was a notable rise in computing employment, reaching 65,000 in 2008.
This revision improves conciseness and lexical variety.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe number of people employed in nursing rose slightly to nearly 60,000 in 2008.
This revision avoids awkward phrasing and uses more natural language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn contrast, employment in farming decreased slightly to approximately 20,000 in 2008.
This revision uses a more appropriate linking phrase and clarifies the comparison.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. There is a good use of linking words and phrases, but some sentences are repetitive and transitions could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Vary sentence structures to avoid repetition.
- Use more cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Clarify comparisons for better flow.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 2001, sales employed over 160,000 people, while accounting had about 60,000 employees.
This revision improves clarity and sentence flow.
RevisedBoth computing and nursing employed 50,000 people, whereas farming was the smallest sector with around 20,000 employees in 2001.
This revision corrects awkward phrasing and provides a smoother transition.
RevisedIn contrast, employment in farming decreased slightly to approximately 20,000 in 2008.
This revision uses a more appropriate linking phrase and clarifies the comparison.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Some grammatical errors and awkward constructions are present, but meaning is generally clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedComputing and nursing both employed 50,000 people, while farming had the lowest employment at about 20,000 in 2001.
This revision corrects a grammatical error and improves sentence clarity.
RevisedThe number of people employed in sales increased slightly to 170,000 in 2008.
This revision corrects the figure based on the chart and uses more accurate language.
RevisedEmployment in accounting declined slightly from 60,000 to just under 60,000 in 2008.
This revision clarifies the sentence structure and corrects the awkward phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and accurate, with some variety. However, there are occasional awkward word choices and repetition.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedComputing experienced the most significant growth over the period.
This revision uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
RevisedThe number of people employed in nursing rose slightly to nearly 60,000 in 2008.
This revision avoids awkward phrasing and uses more natural language.
RevisedThere was a notable rise in computing employment, reaching 65,000 in 2008.
This revision improves conciseness and lexical variety.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the main trends and provides an overview, but some data points are inaccurate or imprecise. Most key features are summarized, but more precise figures and clearer comparisons would strengthen the response.
Suggestions
- Double-check data from the chart for accuracy.
- Include more precise figures where possible.
- Highlight the most significant changes more clearly.
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