Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #57, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
159 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1159 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about the number of individuals engaged in five types of employment in an Australian region in 2001 and 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the employment rates in most sectors remained relatively stable between the two years, with the sailing sector having the highest number of employees.
The revision improves clarity and avoids repetition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the sailing sector, employment increased from around 155,000 in 2001 to slightly over 160,000 in 2008, making it the most common type of employment among the five sectors.
The revision improves sentence structure and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, the farming sector employed 25,000 workers in 2001, which decreased to 20,000 in the later year.
The revision improves vocabulary precision and grammatical accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe number of accountants slightly decreased from 62,000 to 60,000 between 2001 and 2008.
The revision enhances clarity and flow.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn 2001, employment in nursing and computing was around 60,000. By 2008, the number of nurses had increased significantly to 80,000, while the number of computing professionals saw a marginal rise to 62,000.
The revision breaks down the sentence for clarity and improves grammatical accuracy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized but lacks some clarity and logical flow in certain parts.
Suggestions
- Ensure logical flow between sentences.
- Use linking words to connect ideas.
- Avoid repetition of similar phrases.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the employment rates in most sectors remained relatively stable between the two years, with the sailing sector having the highest number of employees.
The revision improves clarity and avoids repetition.
RevisedIn the sailing sector, employment increased from around 155,000 in 2001 to slightly over 160,000 in 2008, making it the most common type of employment among the five sectors.
The revision improves sentence structure and coherence.
RevisedThe number of accountants slightly decreased from 62,000 to 60,000 between 2001 and 2008.
The revision enhances clarity and flow.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures but contains some errors.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedincreasing to slightly over 160,000 in 2008, thus becoming the most prevalent type of employment among the five sectors.
The revision corrects the repetitive use of 'making' and improves grammatical structure.
RevisedHowever, the farming sector employed 25,000 workers in 2001, which decreased to 20,000 in the later year.
The revision corrects a spelling error and improves sentence structure.
RevisedIn 2001, employment in nursing and computing was around 60,000. By 2008, the number of nurses had increased significantly to 80,000, while the number of computing professionals saw a marginal rise to 62,000.
The revision breaks down the sentence for clarity and improves grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary adequately but lacks variety in some parts.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the employment rates in most sectors remained relatively stable between the two years.
The revision avoids repetition and uses more precise vocabulary.
Revisedincreasing to slightly over 160,000 in 2008, thus becoming the most prevalent type of employment among the five sectors.
The revision uses varied vocabulary and improves sentence structure.
RevisedHowever, the farming sector employed 25,000 workers in 2001, which decreased to 20,000 in the later year.
The revision improves vocabulary precision and grammatical accuracy.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides relevant information, but some details are inaccurately reported.
Suggestions
- Ensure accuracy in reporting data.
- Include all relevant comparisons.
- Clarify any ambiguous statements.
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