Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #53, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
176 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1176 words
TASK 1: The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five different types of work - sales, accounting, nursing, and farming - in a specific region of Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Lexical resource
RevisedOverall, employment in nursing, sales, and computing increased, whereas accounting and farming saw a decrease.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe trends.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedNoteworthy is the fact that the number of people employed in sales was the highest among all categories, while farming had the lowest figures.
Clarified the comparison for better coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedFocusing on the increases first, computing employment rose from 60,000 in 2001 to 80,000 in 2008.
Used more concise language to describe the trend.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe figures for sales and nursing had almost identical changes: sales started with just under 160,000, and nursing with 60,000 in 2001, reaching just over 160,000 and about 70,000 in 2008, respectively.
Improved clarity by specifying which figures belong to which category.
Regarding decreases, the figures for accounting started at 60,000 in 2001, before experiencing a decline to reach about 55,000 in 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe number of people employed in farming experienced a gradual decline from 20,000 in 2001 to 15,000 in 2008.
Added the starting figure for farming for better coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear overview and logical progression of ideas. However, there are minor issues with the flow and clarity of some comparisons.
Suggestions
- Improve clarity in comparisons.
- Ensure all categories are mentioned consistently.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNoteworthy is the fact that the number of people employed in sales was the highest among all categories, while farming had the lowest figures.
Clarified the comparison for better coherence.
RevisedThe figures for sales and nursing had almost identical changes: sales started with just under 160,000, and nursing with 60,000 in 2001, reaching just over 160,000 and about 70,000 in 2008, respectively.
Improved clarity by specifying which figures belong to which category.
RevisedThe number of people employed in farming experienced a gradual decline from 20,000 in 2001 to 15,000 in 2008.
Added the starting figure for farming for better coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the figures for nursing, sales, and computing showed an upward trend, whereas a decline was observed in accounting and farming.
Used 'whereas' for better grammatical accuracy.
RevisedThe number of people employed in farming experienced a gradual decline, reaching 15,000 by 2008.
Added 'by' for grammatical precision.
RevisedThe figures for sales and nursing had almost identical changes: the former started with just under 160,000, and the latter with 60,000 in 2001, reaching just over 160,000 and about 70,000 in 2008.
Added 'the' for grammatical correctness.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Some repetition and minor inaccuracies are present.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, employment in nursing, sales, and computing increased, whereas accounting and farming saw a decrease.
Used more precise vocabulary to describe trends.
RevisedIt is noteworthy that sales had the highest employment figures, whereas farming had the lowest.
Simplified the sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedFocusing on the increases first, computing employment rose from 60,000 in 2001 to 80,000 in 2008.
Used more concise language to describe the trend.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details from the chart.
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