Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #52, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
179 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1179 words
TASK 1: The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about how many people were employed in five different types of work- sales, accounting, nursing, farming, and computing- on a particular region of Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the figures for nursing, sales, and especially computing exhibited an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that the number of people employed in sales showed the highest figures despite the category while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, the number of people employed in computing was stood at 60.000 in 2001, but this was followed by an upward trend to 80.000 in 2008. The figures for sales and nursing had almost identical changes: former started with just under 160.000, the latter with 60.000 in 2001 and reached just over 160.000 and about 70.000 in 2008.
When it comes to decreases, the figures for accounting stood at 60.000 in 2001, before it experienced a downward trend to about 55.000 in 2008. The number of people employed in farming experienced a gradual decline to 15.000 in 2008.
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to provide a more detailed analysis of the data.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar graph presents data on the number of people employed in five different professions - sales, accounting, nursing, and farming - in a specific region of Australia from 2001 to 2008.
The revision provides a clearer and more formal introduction to the topic.
RevisedOverall, the data shows an upward trend in employment for nursing, sales, and computing, while the reverse is seen in the cases of accounting and farming.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression of the overall trends.
RevisedStarting with the professions that showed increases, the number of people employed in computing stood at 60,000 in 2001 and rose to 80,000 by 2008.
The revision provides a more natural and formal expression of the data.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five different types of work - sales, accounting, nursing, and farming - in a specific region of Australia between 2001 and 2008.
The revision corrects the awkward sentence structure and provides a more natural expression of the data.
RevisedOverall, the figures for nursing, sales, and computing showed an upward trend, while a decline was observed in accounting and farming.
The revision corrects the awkward sentence structure and provides a more natural and precise expression of the data.
RevisedFocusing on the increases first, the number of people employed in computing stood at 60,000 in 2001, but this was followed by an upward trend to 80,000 in 2008.
The revision corrects the awkward sentence structure and provides a more natural expression of the data.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe figures for nursing, sales, and especially computing showed an upward trend, while a decline was observed in accounting and farming.
The revision provides a more natural and precise expression of the contrasting trends.
RevisedRegarding decreases, the figures for accounting started at 60,000 in 2001, before experiencing a decline to reach about 55,000 in 2008.
The revision provides a more natural and precise expression of the data.
RevisedThe number of people employed in farming experienced a gradual decline, reaching 15,000 in 2008.
The revision provides a more natural and precise expression of the data.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the data and makes appropriate comparisons. The essay also identifies key trends and provides specific details to support the analysis. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data and by making more specific comparisons between the different types of work.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including specific figures to support your arguments.
- Make more specific comparisons between the different types of work to highlight key differences and similarities.
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