Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #7, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
133 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1133 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates the number of people employed in five types of professions: Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming in Australia in the years between 2001 and 2008.
Computing and Nursing experienced upward trends, whereas accounting stands stable in the years given.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, Sales was the most popular profession in both years, while farming was the least popular over the seven years.
The revised sentence corrects the comparison between professions and improves the clarity of the information.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 2001, sales employed more workers, at about 160,000 people, but this decreased slightly to 150,000 in 2008.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to describe the situation.
Lexical resource
RevisedFarming employed fewer people, dropping from around 40,000 in 2001 to just under 20,000 in 2008.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and corrects the grammatical error.
Computing growed from 80,000 worker in 2001 to 100,000 in 2008, while nursing go higher from 70,000 to 90,000.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedComputing and nursing both increased during this period.
The revised sentence uses the appropriate past tense to describe a change over time.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAccounting did not change much and the number of workers stayed at about 60,000.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the information.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedComputing and nursing both increased during this period.
The revised sentence uses the appropriate past tense to describe a change over time.
RevisedOverall, Sales was the most popular profession in both years, while farming was the least popular over the seven years.
The revised sentence corrects the comparison between professions and improves the clarity of the information.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb tense or subject-verb agreement.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedComputing grew from 80,000 workers in 2001 to 100,000 in 2008.
The past tense of 'grow' is 'grew', not 'growed'.
RevisedAccounting did not change much and the number of workers stayed at about 60,000.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the information.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn 2001, sales employed more workers, at about 160,000 people, but this decreased slightly to 150,000 in 2008.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to describe the situation.
RevisedFarming employed fewer people, dropping from around 40,000 in 2001 to just under 20,000 in 2008.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and corrects the grammatical error.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the more general statements.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details to support your main points.
- Avoid using overly general language. Try to be more precise in your descriptions.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free