Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #55, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
191 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 2001 | 2008 | |
|---|---|---|
| Sales | 155,000 | 165,000 |
| Accounting | 66,000 | 58,000 |
| Computing | 59,000 | 79,000 |
| Nursing | 56,000 | 60,000 |
| Farming | 29,000 | 19,000 |
Academic Task 1191 words
The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment figures for five different types of work in a specific region of Australia for the years 2001 and 2008.
The revision uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of employed people in each category remained relatively stable over the years, except for computing, which saw a notable increase.
The revised sentence provides a clearer summary and smoother transition.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile sales consistently had the highest employment rates in both 2001 and 2008, the farming sector had the lowest number of employees.
The revision improves clarity and lexical variety.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2001, approximately 155,000 people were employed in sales, and this number increased to over 160,000 by 2008, maintaining its position as the sector with the highest employment rate.
The revision improves clarity and coherence by restructuring the sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn contrast, the computing sector employed 60,000 workers in 2001, increasing to nearly 80,000 by 2008.
The revision enhances clarity and lexical precision.
Regarding accounting, the difference in the number of people employed was insignificant, both showing roughly 60.000 during 2001 and 2008.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedLikewise, the nursing sector saw little change, with nearly the same number of people employed in both years.
The revised sentence provides a clearer comparison and maintains coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn contrast, the agricultural sector had the lowest employment rate, with approximately 30,000 workers in 2001, which was about 10,000 more than in 2008.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is well-organized with a clear overview and logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of employed people in each category remained relatively stable over the years, except for computing, which saw a notable increase.
The revised sentence provides a clearer summary and smoother transition.
RevisedIn 2001, approximately 155,000 people were employed in sales, and this number increased to over 160,000 by 2008, maintaining its position as the sector with the highest employment rate.
The revision improves clarity and coherence by restructuring the sentence.
RevisedLikewise, the nursing sector saw little change, with nearly the same number of people employed in both years.
The revised sentence provides a clearer comparison and maintains coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart provides information on the number of people employed in five different types of work in a specific region of Australia in two separate years.
Corrected minor grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.
RevisedSimilarly, nearly the same number of people were employed as nurses in both years.
Improved grammatical accuracy by using the correct verb form.
RevisedIn contrast, the agricultural sector had the lowest employment rate, with approximately 30,000 workers in 2001, which was about 10,000 more than in 2008.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately, though some phrases could be more precise or varied.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe bar chart illustrates the employment figures for five different types of work in a specific region of Australia for the years 2001 and 2008.
The revision uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
RevisedWhile sales consistently had the highest employment rates in both 2001 and 2008, the farming sector had the lowest number of employees.
The revision improves clarity and lexical variety.
RevisedIn contrast, the computing sector employed 60,000 workers in 2001, increasing to nearly 80,000 by 2008.
The revision enhances clarity and lexical precision.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and detailed comparisons.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free