Employment in five types of work: IELTS Task 1 answer #48, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

171 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Values in people. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Employment in five types of work (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (people)
	2001	2008
Sales	155,000	165,000
Accounting	66,000	58,000
Computing	59,000	79,000
Nursing	56,000	60,000
Farming	29,000	19,000

Academic Task 1171 words

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008

The bar chart provides data on the number of people working in five different employment sectors in a particular region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Overall, sales had the highest number employees in both years, while farming sector employed the fewest people. Significant changes are noticeably in sales and computing, while employment in nursing and accounting remained relatively stable in both years.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
Revisedsales had the highest number of employees
Added missing preposition for accuracy.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
Revisedthe farming sector employed the fewest people
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedSignificant changes are noticeable in both sales and computing, while employment in nursing and accounting remained relatively stable over the years.
The sentence structure was adjusted for clarity and cohesion.

In 2001, the sales sector had 160,000 workers, which increased to approximately 180,000 in 2008, maintaining its leading position. Similarly, the computing sector significant growth, rising from 60,000 employees in 2001 to 80,000 by 2008, making it second most popular job by the end of the period.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedSimilarly, the computing sector experienced significant growth, rising from 60,000 employees in 2001 to 80,000 by 2008, making it the second most popular job by the end of the period.
Added missing words to improve sentence coherence.

Nevertheless, the number of employees in accounting sector showed slight decline, falling from 60,000 to around 50,000 by 2008. Moreover, farming sector had the lowest number of workers (60,000), which kept declining over the years, and remaining with only 20,000 by the end of given period. However, only nursing experienced minimal change, with 70,000 of workers who remained steady by 2008.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
Revisedthe accounting sector showed a slight decline
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
Revisedthe farming sector had the lowest number of workers
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
Revisedremaining with only 20,000 by the end of the given period
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, only the nursing sector experienced minimal change, with 70,000 workers remaining steady by 2008.
Clarified the subject and improved sentence structure.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing. However, there is a minor issue with sentence structure that affects the flow.

Suggestions

Ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Use more varied linking words.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedSignificant changes are noticeable in both sales and computing, while employment in nursing and accounting remained relatively stable over the years.
The sentence structure was adjusted for clarity and cohesion.
RevisedSimilarly, the computing sector experienced significant growth, rising from 60,000 employees in 2001 to 80,000 by 2008, making it the second most popular job by the end of the period.
Added missing words to improve sentence coherence.
RevisedHowever, only the nursing sector experienced minimal change, with 70,000 workers remaining steady by 2008.
Clarified the subject and improved sentence structure.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedSimilarly, the computing sector showed significant growth
Corrected verb form to maintain grammatical accuracy.
Revisedthe farming sector had the lowest number of workers
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Revisedremaining with only 20,000 by the end of the given period
Added article for grammatical correctness.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, though there are occasional inaccuracies.

Sentence revisions 3

Revisedsales had the highest number of employees
Added missing preposition for accuracy.
Revisedthe farming sector employed the fewest people
Added article for grammatical correctness.
Revisedthe accounting sector showed a slight decline
Added article for grammatical correctness.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details.

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