Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
257 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 February 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2257 words
It is good idea for people to continue working in their older age, if it is possible for thwem to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
Personally, I am partly desagree with thid idea because it can led to both health and social problems.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is widely argued that continuing to work in old age is beneficial.
The phrase 'Its widely argued' should be 'It is widely argued'. Additionally, the phrase 'continue working in older age' should be 'continuing to work in old age'.
For instance, in Uzbekistan nowadays almost every company needs staff who can work around 10 hours a day and this kind of jobs require high productive and of coure young workers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne main reason to oppose this view is that it can cause several health issues.
The word 'couse' is a typo and should be replaced with 'cause'.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs we get older, we may not be able to work constantly throughout the day and may need breaks every 2 or 3 hours.
The phrase 'as we are getting older' is more commonly expressed as 'as we get older'. Additionally, the phrase 'can not' should be 'may not' in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, if older staff work for a long period, there will be fewer opportunities for young people to get a job.
The phrase 'there will be less opportunities' should be 'there will be fewer opportunities'.
Lexical resource
RevisedSo it is better to vacate the workplace for younger individuals who need jobs to support their families.
The phrase 'leave your workplace' should be 'vacate the workplace'. Additionally, the phrase 'who are need jobs to supply their famalies' is awkward and should be rephrased.
Socondly, countrie's economy will benefit if there are sufficient number of labour force. This means that a lot of goods would be more affordable.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, there are some reasons why some people hold the belief that continuing to work in old age can bring a number of advantages.
The sentence is not complete and needs a subject to make it grammatically correct.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFirst of all, it might be beneficial for individuals who are retired to do some kind of work, rather than just sitting at home.
The word 'retaired' is a typo and should be replaced with 'retired'.
Lexical resource
RevisedDespite these advantages, I firmly believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
The phrase 'makes sense' is too informal for an academic essay and should be replaced with 'outweigh the benefits'.
In conclusion, while there solid advantages for elderly people to continue working, I disagree with this view.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSince it can not only be hazardous for their health, but also can have some negative long-term impacts.
The sentence is not complete and needs a subject to make it grammatically correct. Additionally, the phrase 'long term' should be hyphenated.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More explicit signposting language could help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make the connection between ideas more explicit to improve coherence.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne main reason to oppose this view is that it can cause several health issues.
The word 'couse' is a typo and should be replaced with 'cause'.
RevisedHowever, there are some reasons why some people hold the belief that continuing to work in old age can bring a number of advantages.
The sentence is not complete and needs a subject to make it grammatically correct.
RevisedFirst of all, it might be beneficial for individuals who are retired to do some kind of work, rather than just sitting at home.
The word 'retaired' is a typo and should be replaced with 'retired'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. These errors can sometimes make the writing difficult to understand. More attention to grammatical accuracy and proper punctuation could help to improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is widely argued that continuing to work in old age is beneficial.
The phrase 'Its widely argued' should be 'It is widely argued'. Additionally, the phrase 'continue working in older age' should be 'continuing to work in old age'.
RevisedFurthermore, if older staff work for a long period, there will be fewer opportunities for young people to get a job.
The phrase 'there will be less opportunities' should be 'there will be fewer opportunities'.
RevisedSince it can not only be hazardous for their health, but also can have some negative long-term impacts.
The sentence is not complete and needs a subject to make it grammatically correct. Additionally, the phrase 'long term' should be hyphenated.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling that can be distracting. Additionally, the use of more formal language could help to strengthen the overall tone of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs we get older, we may not be able to work constantly throughout the day and may need breaks every 2 or 3 hours.
The phrase 'as we are getting older' is more commonly expressed as 'as we get older'. Additionally, the phrase 'can not' should be 'may not' in this context.
RevisedSo it is better to vacate the workplace for younger individuals who need jobs to support their families.
The phrase 'leave your workplace' should be 'vacate the workplace'. Additionally, the phrase 'who are need jobs to supply their famalies' is awkward and should be rephrased.
RevisedDespite these advantages, I firmly believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
The phrase 'makes sense' is too informal for an academic essay and should be replaced with 'outweigh the benefits'.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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