Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
338 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2338 words
It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, the majority of people are mostly prefer t continue working in their old age, if they have enough physical and mental power. Further in the essay, i will provide some specific reasons and examples to prove my idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is due to the desire to avoid emotional turmoil and improve social connections.
The sentence is not grammatically correct. It should be 'the desire to avoid'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI fully agree with continuing to work after pension age because it has several essential advantages.
The preposition 'with' is typically used with the verb 'agree'. Also, 'after pension' is not natural and should be 'after pension age'.
For example, major elderly employees especially teachers, can use their knowledge to solve many problems easily and support their students or younger colleges, which can help to reduce depression or loneliness and give them a sense of achievement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTo begin with, continuing to work can help elderly people avoid emotional turmoil.
The verb 'continueing' is incorrect and should be 'continuing'.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is because retirement may lead to feelings of loneliness, boredom, and even depression.
The phrasing 'cause to feel themselves' is not natural and should be rephrased.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis means that if elderly people continue to work, it gives them a sense of responsibility.
The use of 'thereby' is not appropriate in this context. It is more natural to say 'this means that'.
To explain, when people retire from their jobs, they may have fewer people or conditions to communicate with other on a regular basis. Because they work with a team or may have several colleges, and also it is very significant for especially teachers because they regularly communicate with students, kids and staffs. However, work place provides a communication and attention with colleges, students, customers and other type of residents. As a result, they connect a nicely relationships with people, they may increase their communication by communicate with people ( it especially happens to shop assistants ) and feel themselves fulfilled.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, employment helps older people maintain a strong self connection.
The phrase 'from another angle' is not the most appropriate choice here. 'On the other hand' would be more suitable.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, elderly workers who work in local markets or companies can interact with a diverse range of people, forming new friendships through positive communication.
The sentence is somewhat awkward and the use of 'they' is incorrect. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct pronouns.
Hance, it helps to avoid social isolated and fear of loneliness.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, most people would prefer olderly people to continue working in their old age, provided they have the physical and mental capacity to do so.
The sentence is quite confusing and could be made more clear and direct.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis helps them improve their experience and increase their sense of achievement and responsibility.
The sentence is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices. The essay is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in its overall coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs could be improved to better guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, the transition between the two main points in the body paragraphs could be made smoother to enhance the essay's overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTo begin with, continuing to work can help elderly people avoid emotional turmoil.
The verb 'continueing' is incorrect and should be 'continuing'.
RevisedOn the other hand, employment helps older people maintain a strong self connection.
The phrase 'from another angle' is not the most appropriate choice here. 'On the other hand' would be more suitable.
RevisedIn conclusion, most people would prefer olderly people to continue working in their old age, provided they have the physical and mental capacity to do so.
The sentence is quite confusing and could be made more clear and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some issues with word form and spelling. Your essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability. However, there are some issues with word form and spelling that could be addressed to further enhance the quality of your writing. For example, "continueing" should be "continuing," and "colleges" should be "colleagues." Paying attention to such details will improve the overall professionalism of your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI fully agree with continuing to work after pension age because it has several essential advantages.
The preposition 'with' is typically used with the verb 'agree'. Also, 'after pension' is not natural and should be 'after pension age'.
RevisedThis means that if elderly people continue to work, it gives them a sense of responsibility.
The use of 'thereby' is not appropriate in this context. It is more natural to say 'this means that'.
RevisedFor instance, elderly workers who work in local markets or companies can interact with a diverse range of people, forming new friendships through positive communication.
The sentence is somewhat awkward and the use of 'they' is incorrect. The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct pronouns.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. You have used a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "emotional turmoil," "social connection," and "retirement." To further improve, consider the precision of your word choice and the formality of language, which can vary depending on the context and audience of your writing. Additionally, be mindful of potential redundancies or awkward phrasings that could be refined to enhance the clarity and impact of your work.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is due to the desire to avoid emotional turmoil and improve social connections.
The sentence is not grammatically correct. It should be 'the desire to avoid'.
RevisedThis is because retirement may lead to feelings of loneliness, boredom, and even depression.
The phrasing 'cause to feel themselves' is not natural and should be rephrased.
RevisedThis helps them improve their experience and increase their sense of achievement and responsibility.
The sentence is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. You have clearly stated your position, arguing in favor of elderly people continuing to work if they have the physical and mental capacity. Your argument is supported with relevant examples that demonstrate the benefits of continued employment for older individuals, such as avoiding emotional turmoil and maintaining social connections. To further strengthen your response, consider addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the complexities surrounding the topic, such as the availability of work opportunities for older individuals and the impact on retirement policies.
Suggestions
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the complexities surrounding the topic.
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