Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
323 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2323 words
It is a good idea fo rpeople to continue working in thier old age, if tis possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?
It is thought that it is beneficial for older people to continue their jobs if they still can do it. I completely disagree with this idea, because older people might struggle due to their age.
If there is no age limit, it can cause problems for both workers and employers. As people age, they may get tired very easily, react slowly and find it difficult to remember important things. For example, in a factory where workers need to stay focused for a long time to avoid mistakes, older workers might get tired and lose concentration. Also, they may take position which needed for younger generation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIt is important to have clear age limitations for working, as people's health and abilities tend to decline with age.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and better connects the ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOlder workers may be less efficient due to their diminished physical and mental abilities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate subject-verb agreement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese changes can affect their performance, especially in jobs that require a lot of concentration and effort.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas and corrects the grammatical error.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can lead to errors or even accidents.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf older people continue to work in these high-demanding jobs, they may increase production costs for companies.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation and corrects the grammatical error.
Furthermore, when companies keep senior workers for a long time, they might unknowingly push away younger workers. Favoring older workers can lead to ageism and discrimination against younger applicants. For example, a company might choose 68-year-old worker who has worked there for a long time. Even new applicants have much better computer skills and fresh ideas is more suitable. This can prevent younger workers’ chances to grow and contribute. Companies will probably miss out on new energy and modern skilled workers.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can create an unfair and unbalanced work environment.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation and corrects the grammatical error.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedEmployers may choose older workers over younger ones, as the former often have more experience.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more accurate collocation.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis can cause frustration among younger workers due to the unfair treatment they receive.
The revised sentence corrects the double error and provides a more accurate collocation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while older people may have experience, they may struggle to work effectively due to their declined physical and mental abilities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate conclusion and reiterates the main points.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is important to have clear age limitations for working, as people's health and abilities tend to decline with age.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and better connects the ideas.
RevisedThese changes can affect their performance, especially in jobs that require a lot of concentration and effort.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas and corrects the grammatical error.
RevisedIn conclusion, while older people may have experience, they may struggle to work effectively due to their declined physical and mental abilities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate conclusion and reiterates the main points.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with some flexibility. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence structures, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOlder workers may be less efficient due to their diminished physical and mental abilities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate subject-verb agreement.
RevisedThis can cause frustration among younger workers due to the unfair treatment they receive.
The revised sentence corrects the double error and provides a more accurate collocation.
RevisedEmployers may choose older workers over younger ones, as the former often have more experience.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more accurate collocation.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis can lead to errors or even accidents.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation.
RevisedIf older people continue to work in these high-demanding jobs, they may increase production costs for companies.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation and corrects the grammatical error.
RevisedThis can create an unfair and unbalanced work environment.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate collocation and corrects the grammatical error.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the potential struggles of older people in the workplace due to their age. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more formal tone throughout.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Consider the potential counterarguments and address them in your essay to provide a more balanced argument.
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