Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
296 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2296 words
It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that people in their older age can continue working, if they can. I completely agree with this statement. Further, in the essay, I will provide some reasons and specific examples to support my viewpoint.
Firstly, the reason why older people can work is that stopping work suddenly can cause emotional turmoil for elderly people. They can teach new employees and, even, through them, work efficiency will rise.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is because people adapt to their work and its routines, so losing it can lead to feelings of boredom and depression.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlso, they may not have any reason to wake up early and plan their routines.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, retired teachers may find they have lost their responsibilities and purposes.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, I know a retired teacher who works as a private tutor now.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother reason is that older people have more experience than their younger counterparts.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the idea more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is because elderly people know the field well and can work efficiently.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the words more accurately.
Due to the fact that workplace provides regularly connection with colleagues. Without work, people will have emotional difficulties due to spending most of time at home lonely.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMoreover, staying in employment helps older people maintain social connections.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, a person who continues working part-time can interact with colleagues, share ideas, and feel like a team member, while a fully retired person may see no one during the week.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the words more accurately.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedConsequently, elderly people who continue working may feel less isolated and enjoy better mental well-being.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
In conclusion, I fully agree that elderly people should maintain working, if they are able. Because working helps them to avoid emotional turmoil and keep valuable social connection. For this reason, we should encourage and support older people to be active in their career path.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMoreover, staying in employment helps older people maintain social connections.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedFor example, retired teachers may find they have lost their responsibilities and purposes.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedAnother reason is that older people have more experience than their younger counterparts.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the idea more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for better clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlso, they may not have any reason to wake up early and plan their routines.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedHowever, I know a retired teacher who works as a private tutor now.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedConsequently, elderly people who continue working may feel less isolated and enjoy better mental well-being.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is because people adapt to their work and its routines, so losing it can lead to feelings of boredom and depression.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedThis is because elderly people know the field well and can work efficiently.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the words more accurately.
RevisedFor instance, a person who continues working part-time can interact with colleagues, share ideas, and feel like a team member, while a fully retired person may see no one during the week.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the words more accurately.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.
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