Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #12, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
356 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2356 words
It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the most controversial questions is whether people have to work in old age, if it is not impossible to do so. In doing so, people ought to work, although they are elderly with thinking the mentioned difficulties. Through this, I completely agree with this idea. Further, in the essay, some reasons and relevant examples will be provided to prove why it is a good idea that individuals should spend their time with colleagues in their workplaces.
Lexical resource
RevisedMany individuals may experience loneliness and emotional turmoil if they are not able to work in their old age.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea being conveyed.
To begin with, when people finish their work because of pension or old age, they start to isolate themselves. In this case, individuals can not communicate and allocate quality time with colleagues to relieve boredom. As a result, they feel as if cut off from life. The meaning of the research was identifying how individuals’ feelings change after finalizing their work. In the research, it was observed that some people cut off from life and did not talk with people permanently because they can not find distractions for not being bored.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, maintaining a work routine can significantly improve one's mood.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear statement of the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedProlonged work with the same individuals can lead to a sense of identity loss.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea being conveyed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe research titled “Fundamental Root of Mood,” conducted among elderly Americans, serves as a brilliant example of this.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
First of all, lots of people often disappear in the world of emotional turmoil after completing their work. As a consequence, they struggle from not being joyful. Therefore, it is good for people to continue working, if it is possible for them.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, there are compelling reasons to justify the continued work of individuals in old age.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the next point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSpecifically, when individuals are unable to identify sources of emotional fulfillment, this leads to emotional instability.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, if teachers retire, their emotional connection with their students may diminish.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, after finishing their work, individuals may experience a range of emotional and psychological challenges.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, people should not necessarily stop working, if it is possible.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea being conveyed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, maintaining a work routine can significantly improve one's mood.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear statement of the point being made.
RevisedOn the other hand, there are compelling reasons to justify the continued work of individuals in old age.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the next point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, after finishing their work, individuals may experience a range of emotional and psychological challenges.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could enhance the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe research titled “Fundamental Root of Mood,” conducted among elderly Americans, serves as a brilliant example of this.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
RevisedSpecifically, when individuals are unable to identify sources of emotional fulfillment, this leads to emotional instability.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
RevisedFor instance, if teachers retire, their emotional connection with their students may diminish.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea being conveyed.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied language could enhance the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMany individuals may experience loneliness and emotional turmoil if they are not able to work in their old age.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea being conveyed.
RevisedTherefore, people should not necessarily stop working, if it is possible.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea being conveyed.
RevisedProlonged work with the same individuals can lead to a sense of identity loss.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea being conveyed.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of work for elderly individuals and providing reasons to support this view. The essay presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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