Working in old age: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

296 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 June 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2296 words

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age, if it is possible for them to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is a prevailing view that working in old age is a beneficial approach for people, if it is practicable for them to do so. While this may seem unjustifiable to reduces job opportunities for young people, I strongly agree that this development is advantageous because it is a chance to use olders’ valuable experience and supports better financial security and well-being.

One of the main reasons why I agree is that older people often posse decades of professional experience and practical knowledge. This is mainly because by continuing to work, they may be role model for youngers, and help young employees to avoid past mistakes. For example, organizations and young workers can use olders’ experience and practical knowledge when they have challenging situations, which requires cautious solutions to deal with it. As a result, learning from realistic knowledge and worthwhile expertise may reduce the rick of financial losses.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOne of the main reasons for my agreement is the decades of professional experience and practical knowledge that older people often possess.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'for my agreement' instead of 'why I agree' provides a more formal and appropriate tone.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThis is mainly because, by continuing to work, they can be role models for the younger generation and help young employees avoid past mistakes.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'may be' and 'youngers'.

Admittedly, some people argue that retaining older workers in the workforce may be cause the lack of job vacancies for younger people. This is because organizations cannot create enough job vacancies for new employees when olders do not retired from their places. However, this argument is less convincing because older people can achieve better financial self-sufficiency and maintain their mental health. For instance, when elderly people carry on working in their old age, they do not relay on only pensions to remain financially independent and they have better mental health by being active in the workplace. Therefore, supporting companies and youngers by olders’ experience and practical knowledge is far beneficial.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedAdmittedly, some people argue that retaining older workers in the workforce may cause a lack of job vacancies for younger people.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'cause' instead of 'be cause' provides a more natural and fluent tone.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThis is because organizations cannot create enough job vacancies for new employees when older workers do not retire.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect use of 'do not retired' and 'places'.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, this argument is less convincing because older people can achieve better financial independence and maintain their mental health.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'financial self-sufficiency' to better match the intended meaning.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedFor instance, when elderly people continue working in their old age, they do not rely solely on pensions to remain financially independent and they have better mental health due to being active in the workplace.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'carry on' and 'relay on', and improves the overall clarity and flow of the sentence.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedTherefore, supporting companies and the younger generation with the experience and practical knowledge of older employees is far more beneficial.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the original idea.

In conclusion, although it may be argued that this development may reduce available job place, I firmly agree that this is an opportunity to maintain elderly people’ well-being and support young workers with practical knowledge and experience.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, although it may be argued that this development may reduce the number of available job places,
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct conclusion to the essay.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOne of the main reasons for my agreement is the decades of professional experience and practical knowledge that older people often possess.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'for my agreement' instead of 'why I agree' provides a more formal and appropriate tone.
RevisedAdmittedly, some people argue that retaining older workers in the workforce may cause a lack of job vacancies for younger people.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'cause' instead of 'be cause' provides a more natural and fluent tone.
RevisedIn conclusion, although it may be argued that this development may reduce the number of available job places,
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct conclusion to the essay.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, "older people often posse decades of professional experience" should be "older people often possess decades of professional experience." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThis is because organizations cannot create enough job vacancies for new employees when older workers do not retire.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect use of 'do not retired' and 'places'.
RevisedHowever, this argument is less convincing because older people can achieve better financial independence and maintain their mental health.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'financial self-sufficiency' to better match the intended meaning.
RevisedFor instance, when elderly people continue working in their old age, they do not rely solely on pensions to remain financially independent and they have better mental health due to being active in the workplace.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'carry on' and 'relay on', and improves the overall clarity and flow of the sentence.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "older people often posse decades of professional experience" should be "older people often possess decades of professional experience." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThis is mainly because, by continuing to work, they can be role models for the younger generation and help young employees avoid past mistakes.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'may be' and 'youngers'.
RevisedAdmittedly, some people argue that retaining older workers in the workforce may cause a lack of job vacancies for younger people.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'may be cause'.
RevisedTherefore, supporting companies and the younger generation with the experience and practical knowledge of older employees is far more beneficial.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the original idea.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of older people continuing to work. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by addressing the counterargument more thoroughly and providing a more nuanced analysis. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's position.

Suggestions

Consider addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly to provide a more balanced view.
Provide a more nuanced analysis of the topic.

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