University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.0

Career ladder - admittedly - has been on the public discourse over the recent decades. Some assert that it is more effective to seek employment after school graduation , whereas proponents of acquiring science degree do not concur with it. I personally share the skepticism with the latter because heights in a career path are often attributable to high level of qualification and competence gained at high educational institutions.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThe 'career ladder' has, admittedly, been the subject of public discourse over the recent decades.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and punctuation.

Granted, school education facilitates students with necessary - to some extent - knowledge to implement at a potential workplace.However, depths of these essentials remain basic as schoolers are educated with only a grasp of rudimentary knowledge of professions. Still, this is not to blame school curricula as they are designed to provide pupils with imperative foundation. Having been compelled to obtain basics , students may explore erudition in any human realm from microbiology to astrophysics, to mention few. Therefore , schools play a sensible role in propelling successful career route as they forge ahead initial steps in learning essential disciplines.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedHowever, this is not a fault of school curricula, as they are designed to provide students with essential foundational knowledge.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHaving been equipped with the basics, students are then free to pursue knowledge in any field, from microbiology to astrophysics, to name a few.

   The revision corrects the awkward phrasing and grammatical errors in the original sentence.

Nonetheless, rational enough as it seems , educational level of schools, from my own perspective, appears to draw a blank when it comes to enabling profound professional development , which is fostered at universities and colleges. In other words, a subject matter taught in these institutions is of a more practical value. Take a profession of economist as an example , which is mostly shaped at university lectures and seminars, widening boundaries of horizons by virtues of specific and experience-based textbooks. Moreover, interaction with well-educated and highly competent professors allows students to eliminate any insurmountable - at first sight - barriers of the prospective job or profession. Clearly , this is the area , where schools fall a notably short and cannot be viewed as a viable solution.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedNonetheless, from my perspective, the educational level of schools seems to fall short in enabling profound professional development.

   The revised sentence simplifies the phrasing, making the point more clear and direct.

In conclusion , accomplishing successful career path is , undoubtedly, simpler to realize with the help universities , which possess a surplus of experienced able educators and more in-detail knowledge , while schools are credited for being a catalyst at early stages of learning professions

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while achieving a successful career path is undoubtedly simpler with the support of universities – which boast experienced educators and in-depth knowledge – schools deserve credit as the catalyst for early professional development.

   The revised sentence provides a more concise and clear conclusion, summarizing the main points of the essay.