Team activities and life skills: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 6.5

There is a growing concern among people who believe that activities done with a team overpowers the exercises done alone with important skills that it helps to master. I contend that working in a team offers veriety of benefits with learning to work with a team and also cognative development early in life.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThere is a growing concern among people who believe that mastering important skills is better achieved through team activities than through solitary exercises.

   The original sentence was confusing and unclear. This revision simplifies the sentence and makes the idea more explicit.

There are many people who are choosing to work in a corparation because of some benefits. One of which can be teamwork. This is skill that teaches individuals to be mindful and cacious about what their next opinion about certain topic is going to be. When they are in an environment where they have to prove something, they first have to know how to respect other's position in a topic. This evoces skill to listen to others when needed. As a result they would present themselves in great manner, this includes group agreement and cohieceve friendshiip and reletionship among geroup members. Not only does it help them to find perfect path in life, but also makes them well-rounded person in society as they hear different point of views in life. For example, if one group is working on a project about pollution, being a great listener comes handy with having diverse opinion about certain issues. Even tackling this would not feel overwhelming if

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn an environment where they are required to prove something, they first have to know how to respect others' positions on a topic.

   The original sentence was awkward and unclear. The revision improves the sentence structure and corrects the possessive form.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis evokes the skill of listening to others when needed.

   The word 'evokes' was used incorrectly in this context. The correct form is 'evokes the skill'.

there are more people to support this.

One the other hand proponents of this view are of the opinion about activities done alone. As they would make people independent in life. There are situations where poeple are forced to work alone and show what they are capable of, so knowing to handle this is excellent skill. When they know how to work their interpersonal skills could also evolve. Somitimes those people would be introvert where they struggle to present their brutal honest opinion, while working alone makes them comfortable to put everything into a document without having to worry about being around people. Being introvert is real challange for them, becouse they perform their best uder the circumstances of being all by themselves

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, proponents of this view believe in the benefits of solitary activities.

   The original sentence was awkward and unclear. The revision simplifies the sentence and improves clarity.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedBeing introverted is a real challenge for them, because they perform best under the circumstances of being alone.

   The original sentence was unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the grammar and improves the word choice.

In my perspective, cognative development for those working in groups is far more beneficial. Teamwork involves activities that tests ideology and approach of people when handling difficult situations. If they are around people who are leaders in their field, coming up with perfect solution is easies it could be. As they constantly sharpen certain parts of their brain, problem-solving would be at the peak with the best performance. Even science backs this up, for example, teamwork straches the ability of pre-frontal cortex of the brain to make people confident when talking, and also hippocampus of the brain would work best to find solution to the problem as soon as possible. FOMO(fear of missiong out) is no longer going to be an issue, as they develop skills to listen listen but but also prove what they are right about.

In conclusion, although alone working hours can be advantagious with being independant in life for introvert people. I lean toward the idea of people thinking that teamwork is best with learning to show mannerism and also problem-solving skills making them complete person in society.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, although working alone can be advantageous for introverted individuals in terms of independence.

   The original sentence was unclear and awkward. The revision simplifies the sentence and improves clarity.