Team activities and life skills: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
449 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 November 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2449 words
Group or team activities can teach more important skills than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?
There are many people who involve in team activities because of their advantages. Team sports mostly improve communication skills and team working which is one of the most important factors when applying for a job. ; in team sports , your team can win, and you still get the fame along with others who do more, but in one player sports , you should be the one who is doing the most. Personally , I agree with an idea that team sports can teach more important skills.
Lexical resource
RevisedOthers believe that solo sports can foster skills such as independence
The word 'give' is too informal in this context, 'foster' is a more appropriate choice.
One of them is improving communication skills. In addition to this, as the team working is the main requirement for team sports , they can boost this skill which help later in life. Team sports like football, basketball, volleyball and many others, involves passing and understanding your teammates ; it is
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, there are many skills that you can acquire through participating in team sports.
The word 'there' should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTeam sports always involve many people, including not only the players but also coaches, doctors, and others in professional clubs.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear, the revised sentence is more concise and uses correct grammar.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis means that individuals in team sports interact with a variety of people every day, which enhances their communication skills.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate word choice.
obvious that an individual cannot go against many which means that your arrogance and overtrusting yourself, can lead to the failure of your team. As The situation is also the same for many professions, a person,who usually play team sports, do not find the task of sharing ideas as difficult.
Firstly, by choosing, solo activities , you can learn independency ; in team sports , other can fix your mistakes, but you are the only to pay for them in solo sports. which means that independency is the must-acquired skill. Secondly, we can learn to endure the extreme challenges of life because they require massive amount of training and money spent. For example , there is formula 1 in which you have to spend more money for your children’s training and for other items like their clothing and helmets.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the benefits of solo sports cannot be overlooked.
The word 'cannot' should not be separated by a space.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn today's fast-paced world, we are often too busy with our own tasks to thrive
The phrase 'to survive' is not appropriate in this context, 'to thrive' is a more suitable choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedA person who trains more than ten hours a day and witnesses their parents sacrificing for their activities, is not going to consider other problems insurmountable.
The phrase 'see his/her parents suffering for their activities' is awkward and unclear, 'witnesses their parents sacrificing for their activities' is a more clear and concise alternative.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOverall, team sports help us become emotionally resilient.
The term 'emotionally tough' is not as clear or precise, 'emotionally resilient' is a more suitable choice.
Solo sport players take the full responsibility to themselves because there is no other one to blame. However, the
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, solo activities can bring many advantages, such as personal responsibility.
The phrase 'like personal responsibility' should be preceded by 'such as' to maintain the parallel structure of the sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, there are many skills that you can acquire through participating in team sports.
The word 'there' should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.
RevisedOn the other hand, the benefits of solo sports cannot be overlooked.
The word 'cannot' should not be separated by a space.
RevisedIn conclusion, solo activities can bring many advantages, such as personal responsibility.
The phrase 'like personal responsibility' should be preceded by 'such as' to maintain the parallel structure of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, "tem sports" should be "team sports," and "independency" should be "independence." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will enhance readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTeam sports always involve many people, including not only the players but also coaches, doctors, and others in professional clubs.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear, the revised sentence is more concise and uses correct grammar.
RevisedThis means that individuals in team sports interact with a variety of people every day, which enhances their communication skills.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate word choice.
RevisedOverall, team sports help us become emotionally resilient.
The term 'emotionally tough' is not as clear or precise, 'emotionally resilient' is a more suitable choice.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices. For example, "tem sports" should be "team sports," and "independency" should be "independence." Refining word choices and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will enhance the overall quality.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOthers believe that solo sports can foster skills such as independence
The word 'give' is too informal in this context, 'foster' is a more appropriate choice.
RevisedIn today's fast-paced world, we are often too busy with our own tasks to thrive
The phrase 'to survive' is not appropriate in this context, 'to thrive' is a more suitable choice.
RevisedA person who trains more than ten hours a day and witnesses their parents sacrificing for their activities, is not going to consider other problems insurmountable.
The phrase 'see his/her parents suffering for their activities' is awkward and unclear, 'witnesses their parents sacrificing for their activities' is a more clear and concise alternative.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of both team sports and solo sports. The writer presents a clear stance supporting team sports but acknowledges the benefits of solo sports. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and provide detailed examples to support your points.
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