Team activities and life skills: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 7.0

The question of acquiring important life skills through team activities has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing that it is working alone that offers more benefits, including personal-growth. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint, as teamwork not only facilitates self-improvement, but also fosters social skills.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI strongly disagree with this viewpoint; teamwork not only facilitates self-improvement but also fosters social skills.

   The revised sentence corrects the punctuation error, improving the clarity of the point being made.

Proponents of working solo comes with better outcomes often highlight rapid progress in self-growth. When individuals done task independently, they acquire more experience and practice, as the whole task importance and responsibility on their shoulder. For example, if students study alone, they not only pay full attention on studies since there is no one distracts them, but also they feel that the whole work need to be done by them. Ultimately, these factors encourage self-discipline, resulting in rapid progress in self-growth. thus, it is working alone that leads such advantages.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhen individuals complete tasks independently, they gain more experience and practice, as the entire task's importance and responsibility rests on their shoulders.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the point being made.

On the other hand, this claim may seem beneficial, in reality it affects negatively to many people. Put it simply, nowadays many tasks in different areas of our life, such as office works or academic assignments are loading heavy burden to students and employees, and the best solution in this case is collaborative working. Take a look at the example above from other perspective. If students do their projects with team, not only the results would be better, but also tasks would resolve easier, without heavy burden on one students shoulder. This trend also fosters personal-improvement in collaborative students. Moreover, positives of teamwork go beyond self-mastery, but also include social skills improvement. When individuals work in the team-oriented atmosphere, their interpersonal skills would improve, resulting in increase of communicative workers, thanks to the teamwork. Therefore, it is collaboration that makes these advantages.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, while this claim may seem beneficial, it often has negative effects on many people.

   The revised sentence provides a more effective transition to the contrasting point that will be made in the following sentences.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSimply put, many tasks in various areas of our lives, such as work and academic assignments, place a heavy burden on students and employees, and a good solution in these cases is collaborative working.

   The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis trend also promotes the personal growth of students who work collaboratively.

   The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.

4. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, the advantages of collaboration cannot be overlooked.

   The revised sentence provides a more effective conclusion to the point being made.

In conclusion, although solo working can develop rapid self-growth, it still pale in comparison to the benefits of team activities that facilitate not only personal-improvement, but also better social skills.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while solo work can foster rapid self-growth, its benefits pale in comparison to those of team activities, which not only facilitate personal growth but also enhance social skills.

   The revised sentence provides a more effective conclusion, summarizing the comparison between solo and team activities.