Team activities and life skills: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 7.0

There is a growing concern among people who believe that activities done with a team overpowers the exercises done alone with important skills that it helps to master. I contend that working in a team offers verity of benefits with learning to work with a team and also cognitive development early in life.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThere is a growing concern among people who believe that activities done with a team outweigh the exercises done alone in terms of the important skills they help to master.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the comparison.

There are many people who are choosing to work in a corporation because of some benefits. One of which can be teamwork. This is skill that teaches individuals to be mindful and cautious about what their next opinion about certain topic is going to be. When they are in an environment where they have to prove something, they first have to know how to respect other's position in a topic. This evokes skill to listen to others when needed. As a result they would present themselves in great manner, this includes group agreement and cohesive friendship and relationship among group members. Not only does it help them to find perfect path in life, but also makes them well-rounded person in society as they hear different point of views in life. For example, if one group is working on a project about pollution, being a great listener comes handy with having diverse opinion about certain issues. Even tackling this would not feel overwhelming if

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis cultivates the skill of active listening, ensuring that individuals can listen to others when needed.

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there are more people to support this.

One the other hand proponents of this view are of the opinion about activities done alone. As they would make people independent in life. There are situations where people are forced to work alone and show what they are capable of, so knowing to handle this is excellent skill. When they know how to work their interpersonal skills could also evolve. Sometimes those people would be introvert where they struggle to present their brutal honest opinion, while working alone makes them comfortable to put everything into a document without having to worry about being around people. Being introvert is real challenge for them, because they perform their best under the circumstances of being all by themselves

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, proponents of this view believe in the benefits of activities done alone.

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   RevisedAs they would foster independence in individuals.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the statement.

In my perspective, cognitive development for those working in groups is far more beneficial. Teamwork involves activities that tests ideology and approach of people when handling difficult situations. If they are around people who are leaders in their field, coming up with perfect solution is easies it could be. As they constantly sharpen certain parts of their brain, problem-solving would be at the peak with the best performance. Even science backs this up, for example, teamwork starches the ability of pre-frontal cortex of the brain to make people confident when talking, and also hippocampus of the brain would work best to find solution to the problem as soon as possible. FOMO(fear of missing out) is no longer going to be an issue, as they develop skills to listen listen but but also prove what they are right about.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn my perspective, working in groups for cognitive development is far more beneficial.

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2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIf they are surrounded by people who are leaders in their field, coming up with the perfect solution becomes easier.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the statement.

In conclusion, although alone working hours can be advantageous with being independent in life for introvert people. I lean toward the idea of people thinking that teamwork is best with learning to show mannerism and also problem-solving skills making them complete person in society.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, although working alone can be advantageous for introverted individuals in terms of independence.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the idea is expressed more clearly.