Team activities and life skills: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
323 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2323 words
Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?
It is said that team-oriented activities can teach more essential skills than those of which can be done alone. Although collaborative tasks could be more beneficial , I completely disagree with this point of view for several reasons.
There are some benefits of working in a group. One reason is that completing a project becomes easier with a group, as tasks can be divided equally among members. IT companies can be good case in point. Another beneficial outcome is having a wide and supportive social circle. It is evident that when team members and colleagues interact with each other daily, they gradually build closer relationships.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis division allows each member to focus on their specific responsibilities, thereby increasing overall efficiency.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThey often collaborate with designers to finish certain tasks, with the project manager dividing tasks evenly.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the choice of words.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe relationships formed often go beyond professional boundaries, creating a sense of trust among individuals.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and uses the correct spelling of 'individuals'.
Lexical resource
RevisedEventually, they can provide emotional support during times of adversity.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses the correct preposition.
For one, if one takes a task on his shoulder and completes it himself, his confidence increases since he comes to understand that he can do things with no reliance on others. This boosted confidence helps them to handle any challenges or obstacles in life. Stressing about the judgment of the group members.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I strongly believe that solo-done activities can help develop more essential skills.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother benefit of working independently is that, while completing a project, you may feel under pressure from a group.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSo if the project is completed alone, he no longer has to worry about the group members' opinions on the outcome.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses the correct possessive form.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis may increase creativity in work, as he may experiment with new things knowing that nobody else will judge.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses the correct verb form.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while group work can enhance efficiency and build social support networks, working independently is more effective in fostering confidence and creativity.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the writer's position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHowever, I strongly believe that solo-done activities can help develop more essential skills.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedAnother benefit of working independently is that, while completing a project, you may feel under pressure from a group.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, while group work can enhance efficiency and build social support networks, working independently is more effective in fostering confidence and creativity.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. The essay contains a few grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and punctuation. For example, "They , often, collaborate with designers to finish certain task , with project manager dividing tasks equally" should be "They often collaborate with designers to finish certain tasks, with the project manager dividing tasks equally." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and punctuation, will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will make the essay more engaging to the reader.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey often collaborate with designers to finish certain tasks, with the project manager dividing tasks evenly.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the choice of words.
RevisedSo if the project is completed alone, he no longer has to worry about the group members' opinions on the outcome.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses the correct possessive form.
RevisedThis may increase creativity in work, as he may experiment with new things knowing that nobody else will judge.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses the correct verb form.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "solo-done activities result in more essential skills" could be rephrased as "individual activities can foster more essential skills." Improving word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a wider variety of expressions and idioms will make the essay more engaging to the reader.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis division allows each member to focus on their specific responsibilities, thereby increasing overall efficiency.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and clear.
RevisedThe relationships formed often go beyond professional boundaries, creating a sense of trust among individuals.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and uses the correct spelling of 'individuals'.
RevisedEventually, they can provide emotional support during times of adversity.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses the correct preposition.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents a variety of ideas to support their position, including the benefits of working in a group and the advantages of working independently. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic, including specific examples to support the arguments. Ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and clearly linking these ideas together will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed in each paragraph.
- Provide specific examples to support the points being made.
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