Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #7, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
251 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2251 words
The ony way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is thought that, setting up stricter punishment for breaking traffic rules can improve safety. In my opinion, it can improve safety by increasing fines, but adding these offenders to criminal records is also more helpful.
As a result, government increased fines significantly, and drivers start to drive more carefully after receiving these high fines.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHarsher penalties, if implemented, can encourage habitual offenders to drive more carefully.
The use of 'can' is too general in this context. It's better to use more specific language to indicate a hypothetical situation.
Lexical resource
RevisedMany accidents are caused by driver's faults.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedThat is why governments raise the costs of penalties significantly, making it likely for drivers to avoid breaking the rules, as these penalties can seriously affect their budget.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, in Uzbekistan, many drivers who frequently exceed speed limits and receive low penalties, even their low incomes are still affected.
The original sentence is a bit confusing. The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the situation.
Furthermore, governments can introduce stricter measures for traffic rule offenders, by adding their personal details to the criminal record. Many people aware that having criminal record can limit their future opportunities, especially in employment.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, many companies, particularly in the education and finance sectors, conduct background checks on new staff. If they find several driving offenses, they may reject these individuals from certain jobs.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs a result of the fear of getting a criminal record, drivers start to drive more carefully and behave more responsibly on the roads.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct explanation of the effect of fear on driver's behavior.
In conclusion, increasing penalty fines for traffic rule offenders, might lead people to drive more carefully because these fines can severely affect their budget.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, high fines alone cannot make drivers follow the rules, which is why adding these traffic offenders to crime records can significantly improve safety on the roads.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less coherent. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and reiterating the position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHarsher penalties, if implemented, can encourage habitual offenders to drive more carefully.
The use of 'can' is too general in this context. It's better to use more specific language to indicate a hypothetical situation.
RevisedFor example, in Uzbekistan, many drivers who frequently exceed speed limits and receive low penalties, even their low incomes are still affected.
The original sentence is a bit confusing. The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the situation.
RevisedAs a result of the fear of getting a criminal record, drivers start to drive more carefully and behave more responsibly on the roads.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct explanation of the effect of fear on driver's behavior.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help strengthen the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor example, in Uzbekistan, many drivers frequently exceed speed limits and receive significantly low penalties, even though their incomes are low.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedAs a result, due to the fear of getting a criminal record, drivers start to drive more carefully and behave more responsibly on the roads.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedHowever, high fines alone cannot make drivers follow the rules, which is why adding these traffic offenders to crime records can significantly improve safety on the roads.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help strengthen the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMany accidents are caused by driver's faults.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedThat is why governments raise the costs of penalties significantly, making it likely for drivers to avoid breaking the rules, as these penalties can seriously affect their budget.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedFor example, many companies, particularly in the education and finance sectors, conduct background checks on new staff. If they find several driving offenses, they may reject these individuals from certain jobs.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt and provides a well-developed argument both for and against the statement. However, the use of more specific and varied examples could help strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and reiterating the position.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting points are well developed.
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