Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 6.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

271 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 May 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2271 words

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While, some people argue that implementing high amount of fines for breaking laws on roads is only way to enhance road safety, i believe there are more tackles for increasing quality of safety on roads. I partly agree to this opinion, which teaching road signs and funding more on cutting-edge technologies aimed to keep stricter privacy in cars can be also processed effectively in order to improve roads’ safety.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedWhile some people argue that imposing high fines for breaking road laws is the only way to enhance road safety, I believe there are other more effective ways to improve road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.

One the one hand imposing higher punishments for driving offences among individuals help to reduce crimes related to roads. Paying vast amount of fines or imprisonment leads to feeling of guilt for their wrong commitment, which is contributes to declining rates of traffic crimes. As a result, other people in society try to be more conscious during driving through seeing consequences of such violations of traffic.

Coherence & cohesion
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RevisedOn the one hand, imposing higher punishments for driving offences on individuals can help reduce road-related crimes.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'on the one hand' makes the transition smoother.
Grammar & accuracy
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RevisedPaying substantial fines or facing imprisonment can lead to a feeling of guilt for their wrongdoings, which may contribute to a decrease in traffic crimes.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
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RevisedAs a result, other members of society may be more conscientious when driving, upon seeing the consequences of such traffic violations.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more precise and clear.

On the other hand, knowledging youngsters detailed about road signs and teaching follow infrastructure of roads might cease traffic violations in society. Being informed about signs and laws on roads bolster life expectancy level among drivers. Moreover, promoting each car with smart airbags, security belts, and adding some ai regime often can be lifesaver during crisis periods. Consequently, such kind of safety features and ai regulation in car works for dropping number of accidents on roads. For instance, in the USA, Ilon Musk discovered his Tesla cars completely different rather than regular ones, which are controlled by Ai Nexus and not only for users’ confidence but also for saving safety on roads.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOn the other hand, educating youngsters about road signs and teaching them about road infrastructure can help reduce traffic violations.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'on the other hand' makes the transition smoother.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedMoreover, equipping cars with smart airbags, seat belts, and AI regulations can often be a lifesaver during critical situations.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedFor instance, in the USA, Elon Musk has developed Tesla cars that are significantly different from regular ones, which are powered by AI Nexus not only for the users' confidence, but also for enhancing safety on the roads.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more precise and clear.

In conclusion, generating beneficial solutions for both the dwellers and the governments drives humans to obeying rules intentionally instead of packing pressure only finance.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, providing beneficial solutions for both individuals and governments can encourage people to obey rules more willingly, rather than just under financial pressure.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'in conclusion' makes the transition smoother.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer's stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOn the one hand, imposing higher punishments for driving offences on individuals can help reduce road-related crimes.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'on the one hand' makes the transition smoother.
RevisedOn the other hand, educating youngsters about road signs and teaching them about road infrastructure can help reduce traffic violations.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'on the other hand' makes the transition smoother.
RevisedIn conclusion, providing beneficial solutions for both individuals and governments can encourage people to obey rules more willingly, rather than just under financial pressure.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'in conclusion' makes the transition smoother.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedWhile some people argue that imposing high fines for breaking road laws is the only way to enhance road safety, I believe there are other more effective ways to improve road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.
RevisedPaying substantial fines or facing imprisonment can lead to a feeling of guilt for their wrongdoings, which may contribute to a decrease in traffic crimes.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.
RevisedMoreover, equipping cars with smart airbags, seat belts, and AI regulations can often be a lifesaver during critical situations.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is more clear and concise.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedI partly agree with this opinion, which suggests that teaching road signs and investing more in cutting-edge technologies aimed at enhancing privacy in cars can also be effective in improving road safety.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more precise and clear.
RevisedAs a result, other members of society may be more conscientious when driving, upon seeing the consequences of such traffic violations.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more precise and clear.
RevisedFor instance, in the USA, Elon Musk has developed Tesla cars that are significantly different from regular ones, which are powered by AI Nexus not only for the users' confidence, but also for enhancing safety on the roads.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more precise and clear.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with a more thorough exploration of potential counterarguments.

Suggestions

Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.

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