Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
244 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 December 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2244 words
The only way to improve safety on our roads is to appear much stricter punishments for driving offences. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
The only way to improve safety on our roads is to appear much stricter punishments for driving offences. While, some may oppose this notion, I strongly argue in favor.
Some people believe that stricter punishments should not be seen as the only solution, because road safety also depends on other important factors. Therefore, punishing drivers even for minor mistakes would be view as an impractical solution.
Lexical resource
RevisedCurrently, as many roads are in poor condition and some areas lack street lights and clear road signs, drivers may have to break the rules to avoid causing traffic accidents or harming pedestrians.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and precise explanation.
Lexical resource
RevisedEven though punishments become stronger, these issues will still exist.
The word 'punishment' should be plural in this context.
One clear advantage of involving strict punishments for driving offences is that it can significantly increase the level of safety. When the city councils introduce various harsh penalties such as heavy fines, licence suspension or prison, drivers become more responsible, as they do not want to face serious consequences. This encourages them to pay more attention to speed limits and road signs.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis change, however, can have several beneficial effects.
The sentence is slightly confusing and the use of 'cam' seems to be a typo.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs a result, it significantly reduces the number of traffic accidents, which may help to protect lives.
The sentence is not very clear and the use of 'considerable' is not appropriate in this context.
In conclusion, although giving strict punishments for road violations may involve certain problems, from my perspective, introducing them is more crucial, as it not only enhances the safety for public, but also significantly decreases the number of traffic accidents.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis change, however, can have several beneficial effects.
The sentence is slightly confusing and the use of 'cam' seems to be a typo.
RevisedAs a result, it significantly reduces the number of traffic accidents, which may help to protect lives.
The sentence is not very clear and the use of 'considerable' is not appropriate in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure that could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis change, however, can have several beneficial effects.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect. The word 'cam' should be 'can'.
RevisedAs a result, it significantly decreases the number of traffic accidents, which may help to protect lives.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the use of 'considerable' is not appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedCurrently, as many roads are in poor condition and some areas lack street lights and clear road signs, drivers may have to break the rules to avoid causing traffic accidents or harming pedestrians.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and precise explanation.
RevisedEven though punishments become stronger, these issues will still exist.
The word 'punishment' should be plural in this context.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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