Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
367 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2367 words
The only way to improve safety in roads is to give stricter punishment to driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people believe that the best way to make roads safer is to give stronger punishments to drivers who break the rules . While this can help reduce accidents , I think there are also other important ways to improve road safety .
When people know they will get big fine their license , they will think twice before engaging in risky driving behavior .For example, if the driver knows he can go to jail for drinking ad driving , he may choose not to drink at all . The strong punishments help to scare careless drivers and stop them from doing dangerous thing like speeding or using phone while driving .In some countries road accidents went down after the government made the rules stricter. If the laws are soft , people do not take them seriously .So, strict laws and strong action are very important to protect people and reduce traffic accidents.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne effective method to make roads safer is by implementing stricter punishments for rule-breaking drivers.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis shows that stringent punishments can truly make a difference.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the word choice.
Many people do not follow the speed limit ,especially on empty roads or highway . This can cause serious crashes and even death . For example , in my country lot of accidents happen because drivers do not respect the speed rules .Controlling speed is very important to keep everyone safe on the road .That is why following speed limits can help reduce accidents and protect the lives of all people on the road .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, another significant factor contributing to road accidents is when drivers exceed the speed limit.
The revised sentence provides a more direct connection to the following discussion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThey may think it will save time, but it can be very dangerous.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error (missing conjunction) and improves the clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhen a car is traveling at high speeds, it becomes more difficult to stop quickly if an emergency arises.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf the police enforce speed limits more strictly and impose fines on fast drivers, people will be more likely to be careful.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error (missing space) and improves the clarity.
But that is not enough .We also need good road conditions and driver education. Using all these methods together can help reduce accidents and save many lives on the road .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, making roads safer requires stringent enforcement of regulations, particularly for those who drive at excessive speeds.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the discussed points.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne effective method to make roads safer is by implementing stricter punishments for rule-breaking drivers.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.
RevisedHowever, another significant factor contributing to road accidents is when drivers exceed the speed limit.
The revised sentence provides a more direct connection to the following discussion.
RevisedIn conclusion, making roads safer requires stringent enforcement of regulations, particularly for those who drive at excessive speeds.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the discussed points.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity. For example, "One strong way make roads safer" should be "One strong way to make roads safer" and "If the police check speed more often and give fines to fast drivers ,people will be more careful" could be revised to "If the police enforce speed limits more strictly and impose fines on fast drivers, people will be more likely to adhere to the rules."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne effective way to make roads safer is by imposing stricter punishments on drivers who break the rules.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error (missing preposition) and improves the word choice.
RevisedThey may think it will save time, but it can be very dangerous.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error (missing conjunction) and improves the clarity.
RevisedIf the police enforce speed limits more strictly and impose fines on fast drivers, people will be more likely to be careful.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error (missing space) and improves the clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, "One strong way make roads safer" could be revised to "One effective way to make roads safer" and "The strong punishments help to scare careless drivers" could be revised to "Strict penalties can deter careless drivers" to improve clarity and formality.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne effective way to make roads safer is by imposing stricter punishments on drivers who break the rules.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the word choice.
RevisedWhen a car is traveling at high speeds, it becomes more difficult to stop quickly if an emergency arises.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.
RevisedThis shows that stringent punishments can truly make a difference.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the word choice.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing various methods to improve road safety and reduce accidents. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and statistics to support the arguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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