Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
327 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 April 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2327 words
The only way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In a world where safety is widely concerned, some people think that strict punishments are the only way to improve road safety. I strongly disagree with that view, because it can lead to increase in corruption cases and appearence of driving fear. In my point of view, using prizes for safely driving is the best solution.
Another factor is that some people take it too serious and don't drive at all to prevent these punishments, leading to fear of driving and decline in interest to drive. For example, local authorities in Europe are trying their best to don't establish strict rules in roads, to prevent rise in corruption that was in 20 century.
Lexical resource
RevisedEstablishing strict rules can lead to increased corruption and fear among the public.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and uses a more appropriate phrase ('increased corruption and fear among the public').
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough if the government gives strict rules to road safety breakers, there will be some situations where breaking the law is an unlucky consequence and preventing it is impossible.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn such cases, people may resort to bribery to avoid strict punishments, which can lead to corruption among citizens.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate cohesive device ('such cases') to refer back to the previous idea.
If governments establish laws related to driving safely prize, they raise awareness of citizens, thereby some drivers will try their best to drive safely in roads to win that prize. These actions will change attitude of individuals to drive, thereby forming safely driving community. As a result, roads will be safe and organized, and citizens will be happy to new regulations. For instance, the Australian government have laws related to safely driving, and if citizens don't break any law during the day they can recieve small amount of money.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, there are other ways to improve safety, such as implementing a system of incentives for safe driving.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate singular form ('a system of incentives') to refer back to the previous idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis law was so successful that even the government was surprised by its outcomes.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.
To conclude, I think that giving strict punishment can cause corruption and fear among citizens, and giving extra money for safely driving instead can be affordable solution.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn such cases, people may resort to bribery to avoid strict punishments, which can lead to corruption among citizens.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate cohesive device ('such cases') to refer back to the previous idea.
RevisedHowever, there are other ways to improve safety, such as implementing a system of incentives for safe driving.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate singular form ('a system of incentives') to refer back to the previous idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence construction and word form that can be distracting. Proofreading is recommended to ensure the accuracy and clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAlthough if the government gives strict rules to road safety breakers, there will be some situations where breaking the law is an unlucky consequence and preventing it is impossible.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.
RevisedThis law was so successful that even the government was surprised by its outcomes.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedEstablishing strict rules can lead to increased corruption and fear among the public.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and uses a more appropriate phrase ('increased corruption and fear among the public').
RevisedIf governments establish laws related to driving safety incentives, they can raise awareness among citizens.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and uses a more appropriate term ('driving safety incentives').
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed to provide more detailed and specific evidence to support the claims made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.
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