Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 8.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

251 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2251 words

The only way to improve the safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that to make roads safer the government should give harsher penalties for crimes related to driving. Although making penalties harsher could be a solution, I think that there are more effective strategies that could be implemented.

On the one hand, stricter punishment has some potential benefits in improving the safety of roads. If harsher penalties are applied for drivers, they can be deterred from breaking traffic laws. For instance, in Uzbekistan, the government fines road criminals based on how many times they broke traffic rules in the last 6 months. It makes sense and works well in reducing violations, as there are also speed cameras literally everywhere, by which the government can easily punish every road criminal.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOn the one hand, increasing the severity of punishments could have potential benefits in improving road safety.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIf drivers are faced with harsher penalties, it can deter them from breaking traffic laws.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
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RevisedThis approach has proven effective in reducing violations, especially with the widespread use of speed cameras, allowing the government to easily punish those who break the rules.
This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.

On the other hand, I believe that there could be better approaches to drop the traffic crime rate. The authorities should implement a device that will limit cars’ speed automatically, based on their location, and also add an emergency button in case the public would need it. For example, when the driver is in the city, the car wouldn’t go above the residential places’ speed limit, but on the big roads, they can drive without any limit. When an emergency situation occurs, such as giving birth, drivers can simply push the button and go over the limit.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that there are more effective strategies that could be implemented to reduce the traffic crime rate.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedFor example, in the city, the car could be programmed not to exceed the residential areas' speed limits, but on open roads, there could be no speed limits.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn emergency situations, such as giving birth, drivers can simply push the button to go over the speed limit.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

In conclusion, while stricter penalties would decrease road offenses, they alone are insufficient. There could be additional solutions, such as setting speed limits in cars themselves. Combined, these approaches could significantly reduce traffic violations.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, while stricter penalties could help decrease road offenses, they should be seen as part of a broader strategy.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe combination of these approaches could significantly reduce traffic violations.
This revision provides a more accurate expression of the idea.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOn the one hand, increasing the severity of punishments could have potential benefits in improving road safety.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that there are more effective strategies that could be implemented to reduce the traffic crime rate.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, while stricter penalties could help decrease road offenses, they should be seen as part of a broader strategy.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedThis approach has proven effective in reducing violations, especially with the widespread use of speed cameras, allowing the government to easily punish those who break the rules.
This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedThe combination of these approaches could significantly reduce traffic violations.
This revision provides a more accurate expression of the idea.

Lexical resource

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIf drivers are faced with harsher penalties, it can deter them from breaking traffic laws.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedFor example, in the city, the car could be programmed not to exceed the residential areas' speed limits, but on open roads, there could be no speed limits.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedIn emergency situations, such as giving birth, drivers can simply push the button to go over the speed limit.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Task response

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.

Suggestions

Consider rephrasing the introduction to provide a clearer and more direct statement of the topic and the writer's position.

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