Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #17, band 8.0

Nowadays, road safety has become a major concern in many countries because the number of traffic accidents is increasing rapidly. Some people believe that introducing harsher punishments for driving offenses is the only effective way to make roads safer. While stricter penalties can help reduce dangerous driving, I disagree that this is the only solution, as other measures such as regular driving tests and better road infrastructure are equally important.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSome people believe that implementing stricter penalties for driving offenses is the only viable method to enhance road safety.

   The revised sentence provides a more appropriate word choice.

On the one hand, tougher punishments may discourage people from breaking traffic laws. Drivers who face heavy fines, license suspension, or even imprisonment are more likely to obey speed limits and avoid reckless behavior. For example, strict penalties for drunk driving in some countries have significantly reduced accident rates. In addition, fear of punishment can make drivers more responsible and careful, which ultimately improves road safety.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, tougher punishments may serve as a deterrent to discourage people from breaking traffic laws.

   The revised sentence provides a more effective connection between the ideas.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFor instance, stringent penalties for drunk driving in certain countries have been effective in significantly reducing accident rates.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal tone.

On the other hand, there are several alternative ways to reduce road accidents. One effective solution is requiring drivers to take regular driving tests. Many people develop bad driving habits over time or forget important traffic rules. Periodic tests could help refresh their knowledge and ensure that they remain capable drivers. Furthermore, improving road infrastructure can also play a vital role. Poorly designed roads, lack of street lighting, and damaged highways often contribute to accidents. Governments should invest in wider roads, clearer traffic signs, and safer pedestrian crossings to minimize risks for both drivers and pedestrians.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, other effective strategies can be implemented to reduce road accidents.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the next idea.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedGovernments should invest in wider roads, clearer traffic signs, and safer pedestrian crossings to minimize risks to both drivers and pedestrians.

   The revised sentence corrects the preposition use to convey the idea more accurately.

In conclusion, although stricter punishments can help reduce traffic offenses, I believe they are not the only way to improve road safety. Regular driving tests and better road conditions are also essential in creating a safer transportation system.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while stricter punishments may aid in reducing traffic offenses, I believe they are not the sole solution for improving road safety.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedPeriodic assessments and improved road conditions are also critical in establishing a safer transportation system.

   The revised sentence provides a more varied and formal vocabulary.