Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
259 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2259 words
The only way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The question of how we sustain safety on roads has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing that it is giving sticker penalties that resolve this issue.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI strongly disagree with this viewpoint, since there are many other ways that can help improve safety on the roads, such as installing a wide range of radars and providing extensive education to the public.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the overall clarity.
Ultimately, many traffic accidents would decrease. However, this argument may seem reasonable, in reality this provokes complaint among individuals. Therefore, it is essential to find alternative ways, such as installing many radars which detect offenders and charge monetary penalty would be a good substitute.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedProponents of stricter punishments as the only solution for safer roads often highlight the quick enforcement of road culture.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the term 'road-culture' is replaced with a more appropriate term 'road behavior'.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn simple terms, the fear of facing strict penalties for breaking traffic rules encourages people to follow the regulations.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear, and the term 'fosters' is replaced with a more appropriate term 'encourages'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, in my country, these detectors are installed approximately every 10-20 kilometers, helping to maintain road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect verb form and improves the overall clarity.
When governments try to educate all citizens about traffic-culture and how to move on roads, many people obtain useful knowledge about roads and behave in instructed way. Thus, it is important to authorities to provide robust traffic education.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother optimal choice for improving road safety is mass education.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the following point, making the argument more effective.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, not only will road safety likely improve, but individuals will also gain a sense of civic responsibility in traffic systems.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate language to convey the same idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while implementing strict penalties for driving offenses may enhance road safety, alternative approaches such as installing radars and providing more comprehensive traffic education can also be effective.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, making the point more effectively.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of stricter punishments as the only solution for safer roads often highlight the quick enforcement of road culture.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the term 'road-culture' is replaced with a more appropriate term 'road behavior'.
RevisedAnother optimal choice for improving road safety is mass education.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the following point, making the argument more effective.
RevisedIn conclusion, while implementing strict penalties for driving offenses may enhance road safety, alternative approaches such as installing radars and providing more comprehensive traffic education can also be effective.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, making the point more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, "proponents of giving harder punishment is the only solution" should be "proponents of giving harsher punishment are the only solution," and "keeping safety on roads" should be "keeping the roads safe." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will make the essay more engaging to read.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI strongly disagree with this viewpoint, since there are many other ways that can help improve safety on the roads, such as installing a wide range of radars and providing extensive education to the public.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the overall clarity.
RevisedFor example, in my country, these detectors are installed approximately every 10-20 kilometers, helping to maintain road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect verb form and improves the overall clarity.
RevisedIn conclusion, although implementing strict penalties for driving offenses may enhance road safety, there are many alternative approaches, such as installing radars on roads and providing more comprehensive education on traffic regulations, that can also help maintain road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the overall clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "sticker penalties" should be "stricter penalties," and "myriad radars" could be more clearly expressed as "a variety of radars." Refining word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a wider variety of expressions and idioms will make the essay more engaging to read.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of imposing stricter punishments believe it is the only solution for achieving safer roads
The revised sentence uses more appropriate language to convey the same idea.
RevisedIn simple terms, the fear of facing strict penalties for breaking traffic rules encourages people to follow the regulations.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear, and the term 'fosters' is replaced with a more appropriate term 'encourages'.
RevisedAs a result, not only will road safety likely improve, but individuals will also gain a sense of civic responsibility in traffic systems.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate language to convey the same idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that stricter penalties are not the only solution for improving road safety. The writer provides a well-structured argument with an introduction, two body paragraphs each discussing a different alternative approach, and a conclusion that restates the main argument. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that the argument is fully developed in each paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the position.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully, providing more detailed explanations and examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position.
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