Road safety and punishment: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
269 words. Marked by Axiom on 9 May 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2269 words
The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While some people argue that implementing high amounts of fines for breaking road laws is only way to enhance road safety, i believe there are more strategies for improving road safety. I partly agree to this opinion, which teaching road
signs and funding more on cutting-edge technologies aimed to keep stricter privacy in
cars can be also processed effectively in order to improve roads’ safety.
On the one hand imposing higher punishments for driving offences among individuals
help reduce crimes related to roads. Paying substantial amount of fines or facing imprisonment
leads to feeling of guilt for their wrong commitment, which is contributes to declining
rates of traffic crimes. As a result, other people in society may become more conscientious while driving, as they can see the consequences of such traffic violations.
On the other hand, educating youngsters road signs and teaching them to
follow infrastructure of roads can help cease traffic violations. Consequently, such kind of safety features and ai regulation in car works for dropping number of accidents on roads.
Lexical resource
RevisedBeing informed about road signs and laws can significantly improve drivers' life expectancy.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMoreover, equipping cars with smart airbags, seat belts, and AI regulations can often be lifesavers during crisis periods.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error with the use of 'ai regime' and provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, in the USA, Elon Musk has designed Tesla cars to be significantly different from regular ones, which are controlled by AI Nexus not only for the users’ confidence but also to enhance safety on the roads.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, providing solutions that benefit both individuals and governments can encourage people to obey rules more willingly, rather than just under financial pressure.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, imposing higher punishments for driving offences among individuals can help reduce crimes related to roads.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
RevisedOn the other hand, educating youngsters about road signs and teaching them to follow road infrastructure can help reduce traffic violations.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, providing solutions that benefit both individuals and governments can encourage people to obey rules more willingly, rather than just under financial pressure.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be refined for clarity and precision (e.g., "which is contributes to declining rates of traffic crimes" should be "which contributes to declining rates of traffic crimes"). Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles, could improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile some people argue that imposing high fines for breaking road laws is the only way to enhance road safety, I believe there are more effective strategies for improving road safety.
The revised sentence corrects the formality issue with the use of 'i' instead of 'I' and provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
RevisedPaying substantial amounts in fines or facing imprisonment leads to a feeling of guilt for their wrong commitments, which contributes to a decline in traffic crimes.
The revised sentence corrects several grammatical errors and provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
RevisedMoreover, equipping cars with smart airbags, seat belts, and AI regulations can often be lifesavers during crisis periods.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error with the use of 'ai regime' and provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, especially with terms related to traffic safety (e.g., "higher punishments," "traffic violations," "ai regime"). However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined for clarity and precision (e.g., "ai regime" should be "AI regulations"). Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, imposing higher punishments for driving offences on individuals can help reduce road-related crimes.
The revised sentence provides a more natural phrasing of the idea.
RevisedBeing informed about road signs and laws can significantly improve drivers' life expectancy.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedFor instance, in the USA, Elon Musk has designed Tesla cars to be significantly different from regular ones, which are controlled by AI Nexus not only for the users’ confidence but also to enhance safety on the roads.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the point being made.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the effectiveness of implementing stricter punishments for driving offences in enhancing road safety, while also considering alternative strategies such as education and technology. The writer presents a clear position, acknowledging the effectiveness of higher fines and imprisonment in reducing traffic crimes, while also advocating for the importance of education and technology in improving road safety. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of how these strategies can be implemented effectively.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.
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