Talking about money: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
348 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2348 words
People increasingly talk about money. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Money has become one of the central topics of conversations today. This can be attributed to the development in the news industry and changes in the monetary system. I argue that this is a change for the better as people now have more advanced financial literacy.
Nowadays international newspapers and major global websites share constant updates regarding economies and money. Since this type of news has profound impact on multiple aspects of life, the majority of people now are interested in this topic and ragularly follow the news about it. The Economist and Financial Times, two largest publishers, can be pertinent example in point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe number of their readers has grown significantly, especially during Covid-19, keeping people updated about financial matters and bringing this topic into their conversations.
The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement and is more formal.
One of those trends is the boom of cryptocurrency.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, there have been several global changes in the monetary world that have further exaggerated the topic of money.
The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe introduction of blockchain and major cryptocurrencies has changed the way people approach money by providing them with the opportunity to trade more freely and conveniently.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAll of this has also played a crucial role in making money a common topic of personal interest.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate word.
To compare with the past, individuals today have broader knowledge about money matters. More and more people are now interested in learning about different aspects of money, since the systems are becoming more complex and tricky.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn my opinion, this trend is positive.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs a result, individuals are being encouraged to enhance their financial knowledge and skills.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis has led to widespread awareness of monetary terms and financial literacy, protecting the public from financial crimes, such as scams and forgeries, which were commonplace in the past.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, money is becoming a main topic of conversation among people due to the progress in the news industry and the recent shift of currencies to digital form.
The revised sentence corrects the word form and is more formal.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedI argue that this change is desirable as it has motivated people to deepen their understanding of financial matters.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn my opinion, this trend is positive.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedAs a result, individuals are being encouraged to enhance their financial knowledge and skills.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedI argue that this change is desirable as it has motivated people to deepen their understanding of financial matters.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe number of their readers has grown significantly, especially during Covid-19, keeping people updated about financial matters and bringing this topic into their conversations.
The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement and is more formal.
RevisedFurthermore, there have been several global changes in the monetary world that have further exaggerated the topic of money.
The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement.
RevisedIn conclusion, money is becoming a main topic of conversation among people due to the progress in the news industry and the recent shift of currencies to digital form.
The revised sentence corrects the word form and is more formal.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe introduction of blockchain and major cryptocurrencies has changed the way people approach money by providing them with the opportunity to trade more freely and conveniently.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedAll of this has also played a crucial role in making money a common topic of personal interest.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more appropriate word.
RevisedThis has led to widespread awareness of monetary terms and financial literacy, protecting the public from financial crimes, such as scams and forgeries, which were commonplace in the past.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
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