Talking about money: IELTS Task 2 essay #12, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
454 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2454 words
IPeople increasingly talk about money. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In this essay I will discuss the main causes of this trend, before giving my opinion about whether it is a positive or a negative development.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn our developing world, discussions about finance-related issues have been found to be increasingly prevalent.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
Money has become one of the most important part of our life. As the human population is growing in an unprecedented rate, the competence for better lifestyle has become more fierce, all directly or indirectly about the money. Moreover, the free services which are covered by government agencies are not satisfactory and sufficient enough for residents. Therefore, people try to make use of paid services which offers better quality and range of other benefits rather than free suppliers of a country. For these reasons, practice of discussing with the topic of money has become popular amongst individuals.
Lexical resource
RevisedFrom education to moral status, all aspects of our lives are indirectly linked to our wealth.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural expression of the idea.
One of the main advantages is the motivation it can give to people to work harder to achieve more, whereas people who tent to work less and people who cannot earn a living may become encouraged from these talks that poeple make about the money. Moreover, this may cause a psychological trauma or developing a disbelief in success after working hard. For instance, poeple are starting to pay attention to the income of the partner when choosing a husband or a wife and people who earn more are treated better than the individuals who don't. As a result, people develop a belief stating that a money can solve everything, based on the clear unfair adventages of the wealthy in societies. The reasons above made me believe that process of people inceasingly talking about money is totally not a benefitial practice.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhile this practice may have some benefits in certain situations, I am firmly opposed to the view that it is entirely advantageous.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between ideas and clearly states the writer's position.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedUnfortunately, this outcome is not very common in our societies, as people do not always find good from their financial hardships.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, the growing discussions about wealth further enhance the status of money.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedPeople are distanced from clear thinking as the topic of money dominates their minds.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
Although this trend can inspire people to work hard and achieve greater success, for the reasons like chance of discourement and demotivation, unfair inequality between rich and poor being accepted, and the moral value of the earnings is exceeding how much it deserved, I strongly oppose to the fact that this development is positive.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the unprecedented rise in discussions about wealth is due to the increased social value of money across communities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the conclusion and summarize the main points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile this practice may have some benefits in certain situations, I am firmly opposed to the view that it is entirely advantageous.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between ideas and clearly states the writer's position.
RevisedFurthermore, the growing discussions about wealth further enhance the status of money.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, the unprecedented rise in discussions about wealth is due to the increased social value of money across communities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn our developing world, discussions about finance-related issues have been found to be increasingly prevalent.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
RevisedUnfortunately, this outcome is not very common in our societies, as people do not always find good from their financial hardships.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
RevisedPeople are distanced from clear thinking as the topic of money dominates their minds.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFrom education to moral status, all aspects of our lives are indirectly linked to our wealth.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural expression of the idea.
RevisedOne of the main benefits is the motivation it can inspire people to work harder and achieve more.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural expression of the idea.
RevisedMoreover, the increased discussions about wealth further enhance the status of money.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Make the introduction more engaging to capture the reader's attention.
- Clearly state your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points.
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