Talking about money: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
262 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2262 words
People increasingly talk about money. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?
This trend caused by rising cost of living, financial awareness and literacy. In my opinion, this is a positive development because it promotes planning and investment.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedDiscussions about money are significantly increasing among individuals.
The phrase 'the money' is not used in this context. Also, the verb 'raised' is not appropriate for the context. It would be more natural to say 'increasing' to indicate a rise in discussions about money.
Nowadays, people started to pay more attention on this because of prices. For example, in Uzbekistan, according to statistics last year, the cost of living raised for 25%. As a result, citizens of this country started to talk about payments more compared to other things. These days, the majority of people want to have a financial literacy and to possess with this, they go to different learning centers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne of the main reasons for this trend is the rising cost of living.
The correct preposition 'for' should be used after 'reasons' to indicate the cause-effect relationship.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe cost of apartments, houses, and basic necessities is rising rapidly on a day-to-day basis.
The phrase 'day by day' is typically used to refer to a regular or repeated action, but in this context, it is more appropriate to use 'on a day-to-day basis' to indicate a continuous or ongoing situation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe second reason is an increase in financial awareness and literacy.
The correct form 'an increase in' should be used to indicate a rise or growth in awareness and literacy.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey learn how to save, invest, and budget because these skills will be needed throughout their lives.
The phrase 'the whole life' is not idiomatic in English. A more natural phrasing would be 'throughout their lives.'
They can know how to plan and invest by learning about money. For example, what is a popular thing now, what people desire more or their interests and based on this, they can open their own business. Thereafter, they may invest to other projects or things to broad their business.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, I believe that this trend is a positive development, particularly for the younger generation.
The phrase 'I consider that' is less natural and can be replaced with 'I believe that' for more formal and precise language. The term 'younger generation' is more precise than 'young generation.'
Lexical resource
RevisedThe younger generation can earn money more easily by planning.
The comparative adverb 'more' should be used before 'easily' to indicate an improvement in the ease of earning money through planning.
In conclusion, while cost of living , financial awareness and literacy cause to discussions about money, I believe this is a positive development as it improves planning and investing skills.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the conclusion could be more effective. The use of cohesive devices is generally good, but there are some instances where they could be used more effectively to help the reader follow the argument. Overall, the essay is reasonably well organized, but there is room for improvement in terms of coherence and cohesion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before and leads to the one after.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the main reasons for this trend is the rising cost of living.
The correct preposition 'for' should be used after 'reasons' to indicate the cause-effect relationship.
RevisedThe second reason is an increase in financial awareness and literacy.
The correct form 'an increase in' should be used to indicate a rise or growth in awareness and literacy.
RevisedAdditionally, I believe that this trend is a positive development, particularly for the younger generation.
The phrase 'I consider that' is less natural and can be replaced with 'I believe that' for more formal and precise language. The term 'younger generation' is more precise than 'young generation.'
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with some errors in accuracy and consistency. Punctuation and sentence structure are generally well managed, but there are a few instances of minor errors that could be revised for clarity. Overall, the essay shows a strong command of grammar and sentence structure, but there is room for improvement in terms of accuracy and consistency.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedDiscussions about money are significantly increasing among individuals.
The phrase 'the money' is not used in this context. Also, the verb 'raised' is not appropriate for the context. It would be more natural to say 'increasing' to indicate a rise in discussions about money.
RevisedAccording to last year's statistics, the cost of living rose by 25%.
The verb 'raised' is not appropriate in this context. It would be more natural to use 'rose' to indicate an increase in the cost of living. Also, the preposition 'by' should be used after 'increased' to indicate the extent of the rise.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Overall, the essay shows a strong command of language, but there is room for improvement in terms of lexical accuracy and variety.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe cost of apartments, houses, and basic necessities is rising rapidly on a day-to-day basis.
The phrase 'day by day' is typically used to refer to a regular or repeated action, but in this context, it is more appropriate to use 'on a day-to-day basis' to indicate a continuous or ongoing situation.
RevisedThey learn how to save, invest, and budget because these skills will be needed throughout their lives.
The phrase 'the whole life' is not idiomatic in English. A more natural phrasing would be 'throughout their lives.'
RevisedThe younger generation can earn money more easily by planning.
The comparative adverb 'more' should be used before 'easily' to indicate an improvement in the ease of earning money through planning.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are well developed, and the body paragraphs each focus on a single main idea, which is supported with specific examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in some areas, and the essay would benefit from a more formal tone and style. Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, but there is room for improvement in terms of argument development and support.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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