Parents’ pressure to succeed: IELTS Task 2 essay #7, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
418 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 November 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2418 words
Parents are putting a lot pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In the modern era parents tend to create a lot of pressure for their children to make them a successful person. There are several reasons and positive aspects why so many parents put a pressure on their children. When parents always control their children and force them to get only excellent grades it can affect on children’s attitude toward their study. Consequently, if parents put a lot of pressure on their children, it might help children to get a higher-quality study. Since at younger age, children are more likely to absorb information more easily and quickly. By requiring children to study hard, setting limits on their phones and teaching about being independent can help them step by step to realise about their future life. As a result, children will already have a wider knowledge about what they should to do in the future. However, I tend to view this trend negatively for several reasons. If parents always control their children and require them to study without support, it might have a negative influence on children. Children might start to spend a large amount of time on studying, having no time for their own acitivites. When parents tend to limit their children in many things such as relationship or friendship, children might become less talktive with their parents. As a consequence, children might avoid their parents and become afraid of talking on such an essential topics. In conclusion, even though putting a lot pressure can help children to study hard and become a successful person. Still, I believe that an excessive control from parents might decrease a motivation to study and affect children’s trustness toward their parents.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI believe this is a detrimental practice.
The revised sentence is more precise and appropriate in the context.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the primary advantages of putting pressure on children is that it can significantly encourage them to study hard.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocates appropriately.
Lexical resource
RevisedChildren may start to be more punctual with their homework, attend school lessons regularly, and avoid distractions, knowing that they might face a small punishment.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother potential benefit of putting pressure on children is that it can foster their future success.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne of the primary negative effects of putting a lot of pressure on children is that it can decrease their motivation to study.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThereby, the excessive control and pressure from parents can significantly decrease children's motivation towards education.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother significant negative effect of putting a lot of pressure on children is that it can erode their trust in others.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate in terms of word choice.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAnother potential benefit of putting pressure on children is that it can foster their future success.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
RevisedOne of the primary negative effects of putting a lot of pressure on children is that it can decrease their motivation to study.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and clear.
RevisedThereby, the excessive control and pressure from parents can significantly decrease children's motivation towards education.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that could be revised for clarity. For example, "One of the primary advantage of putting pressure on child" should be "One of the primary advantages of putting pressure on children."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI believe this is a detrimental practice.
The revised sentence is more precise and appropriate in the context.
RevisedChildren may increasingly start to do their homework on time, attend school lessons, and avoid distractions, as they know that they might face a small punishment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural.
RevisedAnother significant negative effect of putting a lot of pressure on children is that it can erode their trust in others.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate in terms of grammar and word choice.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, "Another vital positive side of putting pressure on children" could be rephrased as "Another potential benefit of pressuring children."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the primary advantages of putting pressure on children is that it can significantly encourage them to study hard.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocates appropriately.
RevisedChildren may start to be more punctual with their homework, attend school lessons regularly, and avoid distractions, knowing that they might face a small punishment.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedAnother significant negative effect of putting a lot of pressure on children is that it can erode their trust in others.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate in terms of word choice.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of parents putting pressure on their children to succeed. The writer presents a clear position that the practice is generally unfavorable and supports this position with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed in places to provide more depth and detail.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.
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