Parents’ pressure to succeed: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
332 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2332 words
Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their child to succeed. what are the reasons for this ? Is it a positive or negative development?
These days, it is becoming increasingly common for parents to pressurise their children to be successful. While there are several main reasons behind this trend, I consider it an unfavourable development.
That is, when these adults were young, they were not pushed enough to achieve their best in education or acquiring hard skills, attributed to lack of parental control, as a result of which they might have struggled both academically and financially once growing up. Another reason could be a high societal expectation for children. In some countries, particularly in Asia, comparison between young school children in terms of their academic achievements and growth is common among parents, leading them to have their children snowed under with after-school curricula so that they gain social recognition.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne key reason parents are pressuring their children to succeed is to prevent them from repeating their parents' past experiences.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis, in turn, increases the pressure on the younger generation.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTaking these factors into account, the pressure on parents is increasing.
The revision provides a clearer connection between the factors and the increased parental pressure.
However, this phenomenon is a negative development as it causes more problems for young individuals. First and foremost, constant parental pressure can take a major tall on children’s psychological well-being.
Secondly, there could be a breakdown in relationships in families since children might fear to communicate problems with parents. Consequently, they may hide their true feelings, avoid asking for help, and struggle to form close relationship.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn other words, when children face frequent criticism and unrealistic expectations due to poor academic outcomes, they are at a higher risk of losing confidence and self-esteem, which can lead to stress, depression, and anxiety.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is because children may fear that sharing academic challenges could disappoint their parents, who always expect them to outperform their peers.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the situation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, I consider this trend to be more negative than positive.
The revision provides a stronger and more formal expression of the writer's opinion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, although parental pressure may encourage children to achieve academic success and meet societal expectations, I believe it can lead to mental health issues and strain in parent-child relationships, making it a negative development.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the writer's opinion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Flow and Organization: The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the argument. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. Suggestion: Use more transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively, such as "Furthermore," and "In addition to."
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your sentences are not too long or complex, which can sometimes make your argument less clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis, in turn, increases the pressure on the younger generation.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedTaking these factors into account, the pressure on parents is increasing.
The revision provides a clearer connection between the factors and the increased parental pressure.
RevisedTherefore, I consider this trend to be more negative than positive.
The revision provides a stronger and more formal expression of the writer's opinion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. Grammar and Sentence Structure: The essay is largely free of grammatical errors, with well-structured sentences that effectively convey the author's ideas. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing that could be revised for clarity. Suggestion: Review and revise sentences with awkward phrasing or unclear pronouns. For example, "This is because children think that bringing up academic issues could hurt the sense of expectation of parents, who always push them to outperform their peers" could be rephrased for clarity.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOne key reason parents are forcing their children to succeed is that they want to prevent their children from repeating their parents' past experiences.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of the word 'children' and provides a more clear explanation.
RevisedIn conclusion, although parental pressure may encourage children to achieve academic success and meet societal expectations, I believe it can lead to mental health issues and strain in parent-child relationships, making it a negative development.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the writer's opinion.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Vocabulary Usage: The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Suggestion: Review and revise sentences with awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, "they want their children not to repeat their past experiences" could be rephrased as "they want their children to avoid repeating their parents' past experiences."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is because children may fear that sharing academic challenges could disappoint their parents, who always expect them to outperform their peers.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the situation.
RevisedIn other words, when children face frequent criticism and unrealistic expectations due to poor academic outcomes, they are at a higher risk of losing confidence and self-esteem, which can lead to stress, depression, and anxiety.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
RevisedOne key reason parents are pressuring their children to succeed is to prevent them from repeating their parents' past experiences.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The writer's opinion is clearly stated and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. Parental Pressure: The essay effectively discusses the reasons behind parental pressure and its negative effects on children. The writer provides a clear explanation of the underlying issues and the potential psychological impact on children. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments. Suggestion: Include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the effects of parental pressure on children's mental health and relationships. For example, you could discuss a case where a child faced severe stress and anxiety due to their parents' high expectations. This would provide a more concrete understanding of the issue.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.
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